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: Lag Liv

Bits of Balance

By Anonymous

Back in law school I read blogs of other working moms and always wondered why they didn't write about the details of balancing this life I would soon be living. I wanted to know more about how it worked and how they felt about it; I really wanted someone to tell me that I could do it and that everything would be okay. I could find lots from stay-at-home moms enjoying what they did and working moms who wished they could stay home, but there weren't a whole lot of professional working moms providing me with the assurances I craved. And now that I've joined their ranks I think I've found a reason why - when things are going well, you just don't have a lot to write about. There's no conflict to hash out, no angst to share with the world- you're just living your life and loving your family and pretty darn pleased with the whole thing. There's also the lack of time and need for sleep. If there's something I need to get out of my system, I will stay up late to write about it, but if it's just a little update, I'll pick my pillow over my laptop most of the time. But I'm going to try to make more of an effort to talk about how things are going on the good days, because you know a bad, unbalanced, I'm-not-doing-anything-well kind of day is lurking just around the corner and I don't want to that to be all anybody reads.

So, the balancing. Unlike, "having it all," I think it's an appropriate description of my life (really of any parent's life). Because it is a never-ending balancing act- flipping between my roles as attorney, wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, and individual, and dividing my time amongst what I love: family, food, work, TV, books, play time, shopping, and sleep (not necessarily in that order). It all has to be juggled in a way that makes you feel mostly well-rounded most of the time, and so far, I think I've done that.

In the last few weeks our little family has found its groove. It's a groove that has minor deviations every other day, but at least we know what we're deviating from. JP and I alternate who does daycare drop-off and pick-up based on his class schedule. Two days a week he picks Landon up extra early which gives Landon two shorter days at school and me two days where I'm not working against the clock to go pick him up. Drop-off in general has been fantastic since that first week- I actually look forward to my turn. Landon is so excited to be in the building. He points (with conviction- finger straight, arm flung out, and a focused look on his face) the whole way to his classroom door, smiles at his teacher, and then dives out of my arms so he can climb into his seat and cram the pancake that awaits him into his mouth. I get big flappy-armed waves goodbye and continue on my way. It's amazing how much the guilt lessens when your kid isn't sobbing- maybe that's why I felt so different that first week of work. It wasn't because of the baby v. toddler awareness, it was because he never cried when I left him at Maya's? Regardless, things are going well and he always has glowing reports from his teachers (today it said "Landon is our happy guy- always smiling!!"). They do so many neat activities- he's met a pony and painted with water colors, and he absolutely loves all their outside time. As we've both become more comfortable I've found myself checking the daycare cameras less often- yesterday I forgot to check in at all!

My job is going very well, I really like the pace and variety of corporate work. So far I've been able to leave by 5:30 every day except two, and on both of those days I pushed back enough to still see Landon before bed. I think that's the most important thing - being up front about your boundaries and sticking to them. And rather than be irritated, I think most people appreciate your candidness. Of course when I say "push back" I mean do it respectfully (i.e. not when someone is going to be at the office waiting for you to have your assignment done so they can do theirs), get your work done on time, and make sure it's perfect- the only difference is that you're reallocating the hours in a way that lets you be a parent in the middle of being an attorney. Last Thursday I got an assignment late in the day and told the assigning attorney at 5:30 that I was heading out to get my son at daycare but that I'd get the reviewing done tonight and start combing through documents tomorrow. She thought that sounded great and wished me a happy evening. So I went home and did the full playtime and bathtime routine (complete with his delicious pre-bed snuggles) and then sat at the table and reviewed documents for an hour while JP studied his financial hieroglyphics.

On the flip side, this past Wednesday was a night I needed to stay in the office. A senior associate was finalizing a memo for a client's board meeting at 9 am the next morning and I offered to help him finish it. JP had already picked up Landon and they were having happy daddy-toddler time, so I stuck around, got him his answers, and still managed to race out the door at 7:15 to put Landon to bed. It was by far the latest I've stayed in the office and I think the goodwill my efforts generated was more than worth it (not to mention the fact that I really like the people I work with and want to help them get home to their own families).

We've all been making little adjustments to see more of each other. JP and both get up before Landon to take our showers and get ready for the day. I do my hair, make-up, etc. and then put my pj's back on so I can play with Landon for an hour before we head out the door. It's usually a fun, giggly time of day for the little guy (as opposed to the often fussy early evening hours) and he makes waking up earlier than necessary completely worth it. JP's school schedule has been tough- between all the reading, studying, group projects, and endless evening events, we don't see him as much as we'd like, but we make it a point to do some kind of family outing every weekend and that helps.

I don't know if any of this is helpful to anyone, but I can say that at the end of my 4th week at the firm I feel significantly less conflicted than at the end of my 1st. There's hundreds more weeks to go, so I'm not saying there won't be days when I can't get home, when I miss things, or when I contemplate (and/or effectuate) a change in career path, and I promise to be open about those times too. For now I'm trusting in my firm, my colleagues, and myself to safeguard my family time while building the career I want.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on September 25, 2008 (boomark / email).