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Parenting philosophy

K got a visit from both sets of grandparents last weekend. My parents arrived Thursday night, after his bedtime, and took him to two different farms on Friday. (The first was a vegetable farm with a farmstand. The second had animals and a hayride.) When K woke up from his Saturday afternoon nap, Dida and Dadu were gone, and Grandma and Grandpa had taken their place. JW's parents left Sunday morning, taking our treadmill with them.

My parents kept exclaiming over how disciplined K is. Mostly he is just a good kid, but I do have one trick. I tell him, "You have ten seconds, then it's time for lunch. 1...2..." I count slowly and by the time I get to ten, he's usually waiting by the booster seat. As a bonus, he knows how to count to ten (actually, twelve now).

My mother also kept saying, "You treat him like an adult!" "Not like an adult," I said. "Just like a human being." "Like a person!" she said.

Well. He is a person. Before his daughter was born, my brother asked me about my parenting philosophy. "Let him do whatever he wants as long as he's not causing any harm," I said. "I think that's basically it."

"Remember that babies are not people," chimed in my cousin.

"Wait," I said. "I revise my answer. Babies ARE people. That's really my philosophy in a nutshell."

"You can't try to reason with them," said the cousin. My brother agreed.

"No," I said. "You're not going to reason with them, but they're still people. A baby's life must be frustrating -- they can't do much on their own, and even then people are always telling them 'no.' And everyone is always trying to tell them what to do. Look over here, push that button. My philosophy is, respect the kid's autonomy and treat them like a human being."

This resulted in a long and fruitless discussion, with my brother ultimately agreeing with our cousin that babies are not people. (His criterion for personhood was the ability to have a reasoned conversation. Too high a standard, if you ask me.)

But really, I think everything I do as a parent stems from respecting K as a person. Listening to what he says. Paying attention to his needs when he's upset, instead of getting upset myself. Letting him do what he wants, within reason, even if I find it too messy or boring. Only saying "no" when it's important. Sometimes I wonder if I go a little too far in this direction (JW thinks so), but overall it seems to be working well with K. We'll see how he turns out, and whether my brother has revised his thinking now that M is four months old.

Full post as published by Magic Cookie on October 28, 2008 (boomark / email).