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Women in Law book club: Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office by Lois Frankel

PTLawMom came up with the idea for this book club after a discussion about whether women need to act like men to succeed in the workplace. Lois Frankel sidesteps this question by telling her readers to "quit bein' a girl." PTLawMom found this patronizing, but I like it: she's not talking about being someone we're not (a man), but instead telling us to act like the adults we are. Frankel points out that girls are supposed to be "sugar and spice and everything nice." As much as I believe that I am equally as smart and capable as the men in my life, I find myself falling into many of the behaviors she describes -- wanting to be liked, having emotional reactions to criticism of my work, being hesitant to speak first in a meeting.

Frankel's book is structured into sections addressing how you play the game, act, think, sound, look, respond, and brand and market yourself. She starts out with a self-evaluation of your strongest and weakest areas. Each section contains common mistakes illustrated by stories and concrete coaching tips to overcome each mistake. She also recommends books and articles for further reading, which I thought was great. At the end, she reminds you to just pick two or three items to work on; you can't change everything at once, and good behaviors flow from each other.

Many of the tips reminded me of things I learned in the negotiation workshop I took in law school last year: in a nutshell, be aware of how people perceive you and take action to manage the impression you make. A few were new to me. For instance, don't feed people. How many women bring in cookies for the office? How many men do? Another mistake is sitting with one foot tucked underneath you -- a girlish posture, and again not one you'd see a man, or a CEO, taking. Don't put your hands under the table during a meeting -- put them on the table and lean in.

Some tips I want to work on personally are: speaking slower and with a lower pitch; smiling less; using my full name instead of introducing myself with just my first name; and spending time building relationships instead of just focusing on work. A recurring theme of the book is that women tend to put their noses to the grindstone and think they will be recognized for their stellar work, and then get frustrated when their male colleague who spends his days on the golf course gets the promotion. This is definitely me. I need to remember to make the effort to cultivate relationships at work, even at the expense of billing an hour or two.

Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office is a very fast, worthwhile read. I got through the whole thing in just a few hours -- I didn't think I would finish it, because I'm swamped with schoolwork at the moment, but after the first chapter I was hooked. I borrowed it from the library, but it just might be worth it to buy a copy and refer to it later. I'm also planning to do some of the followup reading that Frankel recommends. After finals.

Full post as published by Magic Cookie on December 01, 2007 (boomark / email).