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Madoff's Morning Briefing : Real Crimes Overlooked

Since Judge Ellis was smart enough to appreciate the legal arguments on bail, and recognized that (i) I haven't been indicted for anything, (ii) my plane is in the shop and that I'm hardly a flight risk (what? I should fly commercial?!), and (iii), Ruth is now spending more than $7000 a day on surveillance equipment and those security guards, you'd have to be meshugeneh to think that I'm any kind of a flight risk.

Are you paying attention, little Andy Sorkin??

Next: Lets talk about real crimes. Citibank is bleeding more than a stuck pig, and it was only yesterday that Congress actually got a copy of the agreements that Citi and the other banks signed three months ago when Hank Paulson jammed his TARP package down everyone's throat, and $350 billion into those banks! Forget about calling me the new Ponzi, call the TARP program the FART program. Its more appropriate! And does anyone know what Citi is doing with all of the money?? I do! They're writing off $100 million a day in losses. This "bailout" is a joke. Do you realize that our housekeeper had her credit card limit cut down again! Its not like she isn't paying her bills on time!

Another crime: Satyam..Sounds like Satan, right? Everyone's whining and crying about me and my family, yet a company that administers computer systems for the world's biggest banks has been cooking the books for how long? Sure, it might only be $1 billion in phony accounting, but $1 billion can feed millions of people in India. You know who told me this? That smarty aleck Rich Behar..A great journalist--his reporting on Satyam is so sharp, I'm thinking of actually letting him interview me for the book he's writing about my company.

Tip of the day: Madoff's Survival Guide; How to Manage With Just $15,000 A Month:
When you want to buy that watch, go on line and get yourself a discount coupon; you can find $500 coupons for half the price. They even work on those shopping sites that offer discounted prices. Shana told me about it. She bought an $1800 Movado for her housekeeper for less than $400 that way. Good girl!

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 13, 2009 (boomark / email).