Law Humor

Bernie Bares It All; Fortune's Stanley Bing To Be Lead Investor in MIDAS Fund

While my son Mark is busy kvetching to people about which private school he can or can't afford to send his kid to ( Btw--Mark--Who the f--k told you to spend 6 1/2 big ones for a god damned mansion next to a bunch of gentiles in Nantucket when the god damned real estate market was like a falling knife??!!!

What did you think, that last June was the f--king bottom? Did I tell you it was the bottom?? I don't remember.

Oy...anyway...we've been talking about me and how everyone knows that I've had the Midas touch for years, and some of us here recently decided to launch the MIDAS fund--(Madoff Investor Distressed Asset Sale). Even though we're supposed to keep some things a secret--its always important to know about the other people that are investors.

Well, I've given the green light to Walter, Ezra, Sonny and Sonny, and if dop-a-mine Bob Jaffe is up to to it, to let everyone know that Fortune Magazine's Stanely Bing is one of the lead investors in MIDAS. As a matter of fact, Stanely told me that he's already thinking of making a bid on one of the co-op's that one of our BMIS investors has already put in to the 'for sale' portfolio. Gorgeous place, between Madison & 5th in the low '70's.

Next. Baring it all: Some meshuganah reporter at Institutional Investor, a little smarty pants Alexandra "Allie" Zendrian that writes for something called the Wall Street Letter thought she was a hot shot investigator when she found out what's behind the curtain. Trust me, that didn't make Ruth very happy.

So this reporter calls me and asks for some inside info...so I say..."Only if you agree not to use my name..." So, she says 'Done'. Let me tell you something, anybody that's worked on Wall Street for more than 15 seconds knows that when you say "done", that means you've got a deal.

On top of that, litlte cutie tootie "Allie" emails me the trade confirmation that confirms that our conversation was completely off the record.. I've got a copy of that email. Trust me. And, I'm not keeping it closer than 100 yards away from the paper shredder.. Jodi...take notes, please!

So anyway--this Allie girl writes a story that appears the f--king next day in that rag Wall Street Letter that has my name all over it! Can you imagine??? But it was a great story--started with ..' we weren't sure if this was really Bernie Madoff...but some quick investigation uncovered..." Point of the story: When the f--king media starts putting out phony trade confirms, that's when the regulators need to step in!

Chuck Schumer--if you're reading this-please make a note of the above suggestion!

Last- and baring all...Whatever you do, don't watch Janey Wells on CNBC for the next five days. Not if you want to be charged with having insider knowledge, anyway.

Since little Janey's an investor in MIDAS too--I've decided to give her the scoop on how our back office works, and who our head trader is. So she's going to let everyone know what's driving Bernie's blog.

But don't watch unless your attorney says its OK, or your compliance officer. Or your wife. Or your girlfriend.. Peter, are you paying attention to that last comment?

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 21, 2009 (boomark / email).