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: Bernard Madoff

"Bernie's Got Balls"???!! What About Barney??

A lot of people are writing in and saying, "Gee, you must have some set of balls to have done what you did!"

What I'm thinking is that Barney Fife over to the right (I mean Barney Frank) has a big set of brass ones. Chuck Schumer--I thought we talked about your putting a muzzle on this guy? I've heard a lot of double-talk in my time--and so have a lot of the people that invested with us, but I don't think there's a bigger double-talker in the f--king world when it comes to this guy! Barney--which side of the table were you on when the FART money was sent into thin air??

Anyway, for those people that keep pissing on me, it didn't take my "having a big set of balls", what it took was a lot of f--king printer cartridges! Ask Jodi. She ordered them.

Aside from that, I didn't twist anyone's arm, and I don't remember slapping anyone across the face. Judge's are doing that these days, and whether my son Andy did that is something I don't know about. Do I know anyone else that slaps around people?? Maybe. So what?

Did anybody say it took a "big set of balls" for me to take the Englers and a dozen other people on that ski trip to Switzerland? No! They said that I was very generous!

Did anybody say it took a big set of balls to give Milton Cohn five points in Cohmad for doing squat? No! Sonny and Marcia said it was very generous!!

Did anybody say it took a big set of balls to give Paul Konigsberg all of our accounting business? No! They said it was very generous!

But, thanks to a new friend of mine, I do have a lot of balls. Golf balls. I love golf. Ask Mike Sullivan. Ask Ira. But don't ask the people at PBCC. Some shmendrik is spreading a vicious rumor saying that I finessed my handicap. That's a lie. I've got the Midas Touch, so why would I need to cheat??!

Anyway, some of us are busy trying to make money, while the rest of you are whining about how much money you don't have. But there's plenty of people that are still playing golf and need golf balls. I'm not charging a mark-up or a commission on the sale. And, its all going to good cause.

What's the good cause?? OK--I'm trying to be a mensch and help out one of kids that works at one of those feeder funds that left some of their money on the table. Now they've got big legal bills. Investors are suing them, they're suing their auditors, and pretty soon, the claw back lawyers are going to be coming after them. I could build a new country club for what those people are spending on f--king lawyers! Oy! If they're smart-they'll call up that lawyer Mark in Minneapolis--he knows all about claw backs...and he knows all about where to get great crab claws...a place called Stella's.

But anyway, those are the balls up on the left. Three to a sleeve. Very fairly priced too! $17.99. Plus shipping and handling. We've got a lot of handlers and enablers to feed.

Yeah-a bit more expensive than Titleist-but these are collector items. Ask Ezra about collector items--he's got co-op full of them! And he'll tell you that these golf balls are going to be f--king priceless!

Click on the picture. Credit Cards accepted. You can call up on the phone and order too. No wire transfers, only cashier checks. If you call up, say you were referred by Bernie. That's the only way you might get a discount when you order a case or more. Then again, you might not get shit, those balls are flying out of the warehouse, and there might not be any left by the time you place your order.

Last: Steve Harbeck sent me a txt message to say those SIPC checks should be going out next week. Andy- take your f--king check and put it into the account at Neuberger. And stop whining. And, Sonnie--everybody else in the family is getting their SIPC checks too, so you can tell your son to stop his whining. Oy.

No, Mark. You aren't getting a check from SIPC. Stop the sniffling. You didn't have any money invested, remember? You got your bonus, that should keep you satisfied until we get the MIDAS fund up and running. I'll let you run the trading desk if you keep your mouth shut. And MIDAS is going to be big. Trust me.

Now we've got one of Walter's daughters putting her townhouse into the offering bag. Don't ask me why she and that husband of hers paid $13 million for a place on 78th, but I'm guessing that MIDAS can buy it in foreclosure for $8 million. Stay tuned kid.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 03, 2009 (boomark / email).