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Jodi-Get More Printer Cartridges! Madoff Mania Inc . Prepares IPO

To: Sonny Cohn
From: Bernie
cc: Marcia C.

Sonny-
Belle Jones might have been the brains behind whatever you were telling people, but I don't remember if she ever had any more brains than you do. From where I stood, it was always Marcia that had the brains in your family.

But this is what I do know, I'm the brains behind Madoff Mania Inc. ! And we've just added another great product to our line. As of this morning, we're the exclusive distributor for Mini-Me Madoff.

This is IPO material!!! Talk about a product line!! Toilet Paper, Pisher Pads, Golf Balls, and now this!!(Scroll the column on the right!) But, I really love this new one! I'm so excited, I can't stop twitching about it!

Talk about a rock-solid investment that delivers long-term value! You can bang a hammer on it 1000 times and its still f--king unbreakable!! Just like the accounts at BMIS!! This thing will hold up for at least 20 years, and its only $99! (pitchfork and hammer included!!)

Jodi- More printer cartridges!! And get more shipping labels! Jamie Dimon just placed an order for 100 of these things! And get Graeme Warring on the phone--we need to make sure the commission checks are paid out through Cohmad.

Next:
To Allen Stanford
From: Bernie Madoff

Allen-
The measly half a million bucks that you say you had on deposit with us is covered by SIPC. Speak to Steve Harbeck about it! He keeps promising the checks will be sent out any day now.

In the mean time, all Baby Ruth knows is that you promised her the safety of a CD. Where I come from, your word is your bond. So before mini-me Stanfords come to the market, I'm expecting you to make good. And, speaking of bonds, Ira's perfected the art of getting people out on bond. Call him when your chopper runs out of gas.

Ira told Dreier's lawyer how to finese it, and he's back in his co-op now. OK, so he isn't allowed to have any sharp silverware in his place. But that's only because he says he's depressed. You're not depressed, so that won't be an issue.
BLM

Next:
To: Ruth
From: Bernie
If you and Carole are at Equinox together, tell her to have Sonny txt me. I'm thinking there may be some tax issues he needs to know about.

Also-call up your broker at J.Aron--while the market is in the crapper, and everybody is panicking again, this is a good spot to split strike the gold position. Same as before-if the position gets called, tell them we'll make physical delivery from the warehouse: FOB Zurich.

Finally...

To: Sonja M., MAXAM Capital
From: Bernie
RE: Clawyers
Unless the golf ball sales pick up, you might want to save some legal bills and call up that guy Keith Hanratty in Minneapolis. He says he's only billing out at $450/hr. and he's representing a bunch of others that redeemed in Q4

Ruth-remind me to make a special chapter "Hiring Lawyers", and talk about that guy in "Madoff Victim's Guide on How to Survive on Only $15,000 a Month!"

BLM

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 18, 2009 (boomark / email).