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Swimming Along

By Anonymous

I was going to title this "Getting By" or "Moving Along" but that didn't seem positive enough, so I thought of something with "Swimmingly" but thought that would make it seem like things were too easy, so I finally settled on "Swimming Along" to describe the rhythm of our lives. This summer I thought I'd have so much to talk about once my job began- the balancing of the demanding career and even more demanding toddler, the busy husband in grad school (and I had no idea he'd simultaneously be putting in 50 hour weeks to start his own company a month into a time-consuming MBA program), the new house, the dogs, the steep learning curve of corporate law - surely I'd be able to fill the pages of blogger with my thoughts and stories.

But then it all started and we found our groove and I got busy and Landon suddenly became so much more fun than work and everything just felt Right. And it's not that my life isn't hard or tiring because it is both of those things, it's just that when I sit down to write about the more difficult moments all I can make myself feel is an overwhelming sense of gratitude for it all. And I've found it's harder to write when you're happy than when you're angry or scared or on the verge of a nervous break down.

Landon woke up this morning with a 101 fever and a need to keep himself wrapped around JP or I like a little monkey at all times. I could write about the stresses of flying through my work this morning, skipping breakfast, lunch, and ignoring my tea yet again, in order to get home before JP's meeting with a potential investor, and then working from home all afternoon with a sick toddler, but the thing is, that all worked out fine. My job is portable and my colleagues are understanding, JP has the flexibility of an entrepreneur on Spring Break, and Landon was a happy, mellow febrile patient. JP and I both got done what was needed and spent a lot of time snuggling with our little monkey, plying him with diluted powerade and crackers, and reading the same few books over and over and over again. And when nearly every headline on Above the Law names yet another firm firing another 100 attorneys and when the unemployment rate is at its highest since I've been alive, an abandoned breakfast taco just doesn't seem worth complaining about.

I do wish I had more to say right now. I used to wonder where all the happy mothers were on those mommy war message boards that were filled with formerly working moms bitter about their experiences (often quite justifiably so) and a small but vocal minority of self-righteous stay-at-home moms determined to make others feel guilty about their choices (which are so often not choices, someone must make money if you have a child and it isn't always the one who contributed the sperm), and I realize that I'm a happy working mom and I have neither the time nor the desire to go anywhere near those boards. Our life works and I can't imagine defending that to anyone, especially if they don't know me and my family. I don't get enough sleep, I haven't been to a gym in nearly 3 years, and I frequently get research assignments that I have absolutely no idea how to begin- but I'm almost always home my 6:30, my husband still flirts with me while we're making dinner and my toddler is happy, affectionate, and knows he is loved down to the tips of his toes.

I know there are going to be times when being an attorney and a mother are going to conflict in ways that are not mere inconveniences, and I'm sure I'll write about them. But for now, though the days fly by, certain segments of them- cheering as Landon flung himself down the slide last night while we cooked out on the back porch with friends, snuggling and singing with Landon before bed- those moments seem to move slower, and that keeps me feeling like we've got our heads above water.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on March 10, 2009 (boomark / email).