Law Humor

Baby Ruth Ballad to Bernie

I did stop by to visit yesterday, but they said that you were busy setting up the printer, so I left the bottle of Soapopular hand sanitizer with the guard. Don't forget to use it! I don't want you catching anything before Ira gets you out!!

Its funny, last night I thought about how when Andy went to sleep-away camp for the first time, the counselor would call telling us how he used to wet the bed so much because he was homesick.

Now Mark is telling me that he's having the same problem! Oy, these boys of yours! I certainly hope that you're not having the same problem!

Bernie, darling--I already miss you so much, but I can tell you that I finally got a good night's sleep without your snoring and farting.

I know that you'll be able to use the library there to update the blog on Monday, but wanted you to know that I got a very nice letter from that sweet boy Jeff Immelt yesterday and uploaded it to the blog. He actually apologized for the behavior of that coke-head Kudlow and he said something about an exclusive contract with NBC. I'm also hearing that the piece of garbage Donny Douche won't be allowed at Fresh Meadows, and that the club sent a letter to everyone's daughters warning them to stay away from him.

Also--I had a wonderful brunch with Martha Stewart this morning at Atlantic Grille. You'll be happy to know that we used the coupons that Marcia dropped off on Wednesday. I had a crab cake omelet and Martha had one of your favorites, a smoked salmon egg white omelet.

Anyway, Martha had some great advice, especially about how to make sure you maintain the right diet. Bernie, I know that Ira says you should only be there for a few days, maybe a week at most, but do not eat those sausages! Just keep to the egg whites and anything that's been baked. I'll be bringing over some fresh bananas and some carrots and celery on Monday.

Finally-the boys are kvetching after reading that we had a "net worth" of over $700 million, not including the houses, and now both of them want to know why they each only got about $10 million over the past few years.

Obviously neither of them learned anything working on the trading floor with you, and they don't understand the $700 million was the number that Paul put on the value of the private shares in the firm, which Picard says is now only worth a few million. If I didn't know better, I'd say that our kids were just as stupid as the news media that still hasn't gotten anything right!

But, now it seems that I'm going to have get another lawyer, because both of the kids used the shares in the firm that you gave them to back the loans that I gave them. What a mess. Maybe my mom was right.

Last- just to make you feel better, during the last few days the traffic to the blog has spiked like it was sparked by the defib!! I'm getting all kinds of inquiries from advertisers, and aside from Immelt's idea, I've also gotten a call from a few Hollywood people!! This is really very exciting, Bernie. Have a good day--and don't stay up too late watching TV!!

See you on Monday, sweetie!
BR

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 14, 2009 (boomark / email).