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Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

I'm Still Here..So, Please Pass The Onion Rings!!

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Between Ruth's ramblings, the cockamamie Cohn's at Cohmad, and the three ring circus in Gibraltar, I can't get 10 f--king minutes of peace and quiet?? Not even in here?!

Speaking of three rings, Willy- either you're totally f--king blind or just plain stupid. I told you I wanted onion rings delivered here, not the diamond rings out of Ruth's desk drawer!!

How am I going to explain delivering jewelry to myself while I'm in jail??? Just tell me you didn't ask for a receipt! Did Andy put you up this??? I know he did!! Tell me the damn truth!

Next- Sonnie, I know that you're my sister, but if you stop taking those pills for 6 hours, it might occur to you that I'm in a jail cell right now, so I can't explain why only 12 people have gotten their SIPC refunds and why you weren't one of them!!

What? I'm the answer man, no matter where I am??

Ruth--Did you hear that??? I think we can write a good tune with those lines!! Get hold of Neil Diamond, maybe he can do something special for us!

Next: Sonny C.--Your little girl is doing a good job of strapping them on. As always.

Tell her to keep it up; we need to keep the b/d in place and Galvin doesn't have any jurisdiction. He's just pissed that he's not getting any headlines. We've got a pipeline of deals, including the placement for the spit tax strategy, --its a perfect follow up to the split strike strategy, and we can't waste time setting up a new b/d. Also, Delaire says that his other kid is looking for a job, so you its OK to him to the Cohmad staff. We like keeping things in the family. It's just like old times.

Next-Lee, You're in the cat bird's seat. Just like you were back in '92. Those Gibraltar accounts can be a meal ticket for you. Don't let anyone talk you out of them.

Last- Adam...thanks for fixing the laptop, you're a good boy. This video came in great over the email that you set up for me. Its a week old, but its funny stuff! They should have elected this guy to office someplace instead of Barney Fubber..or Frank or Fife...or whatever the hell his name is.

Before I forget--Mark--I don't know where your "head of prop trading" brother is, maybe with his head up his ass, but close out the long positions as soon as you get this. When I made the call to go long three weeks ago, I knew I still had the Midas Touch.

Ezra-Don't you get it yet? Does your sister need to explain this? : Victor Teicher couldn't wipe my behind when it comes to trading. Even with the Madoff Mania TP!!

Sure, I've been reading Mike Covel's new book! But its still my system! And it works every time!

Speaking of Covel, I saw a trailer to his movie in here. Is this guy nuts or what? Jodi--take a note and get a copy of this thing over to Spielberg. He'll know what to do with it.

Last- Adam...thanks for fixing the laptop, you're a good boy. This video came in great over the email that you set up for me. Its a week old, but its funny stuff! They should have elected this guy to office someplace instead of Barney Fubber..or Frank or Fife...or whatever the hell his name is. Stop by Enrica's office and ask her to write you a check for the cab fare down here.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c
Back in Black - Recession Winners
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesImportant Things w/ Demetri MartinPolitical Humor

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 24, 2009 (boomark / email).

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