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From Bernie

Even from here, I have to take care of every little damn thing for you people and pay you on top of that! We're gonna have a talk about this when I see you next.

Stop whining for god's sake. I'm the one in the 8X8 cell with no satellite TV and no golf.

The next problem is the cold that Peter's come down with. I just heard that he's f--king frozen too! Sure his guy is going to have to take care of that, but I know that I'm going to be hearing all kinds of more crap from Marion about this.

Next, Silver Hill was never covered under any health insurance I ever heard of,, so we just have to eat that one. It's a psychiatric hospital for God's sake, where people send their kids they can't control anymore.

Now, THERE'S a scam - 60K a month to help depressed and drug addicted relatives and all they do up there is coddle them, and give them time to shtup OTHER addicts, so when they get out, they have more access to sex and drugs.

Next: Never Mind about the Bentley - it was a private matter and it's gonna be seized pretty soon anyway - so who cares at this point?

So,Irv, bubbele, don't worry about this Rudy who has been calling you. I have it under control.

I've been here two weeks now, and just when i was getting a little depressed, I'm noticing some very nice smells coming from down the hall( and believe me - you smell something nice in here, and you pay attention). Also, from this same area I am hearing -- Oy, am I HEARING, Frank Sinatra records all day and all night long - - and LOUD. I like the Nelson Riddle arrangements but the 25th time for "Fly Me To The Moon" it was getting to be a little much.

Then I heard Frank's Masterpiece," I Did it My Way", and I have to tell you, Ira, I was truly moved. It expresses everything I feel that I cannot tell anyone about. How I took chances, How I loved and - for the short term- lost - and how "I Did what I had to do"

It brought tears to my eyes - and that doesn't happen very often, as you well know.

So just when i was going to say something to the weekday shift guard (he's really enjoying the toilet paper and the hand sanitizer - not to mention the other little gifts), I meet this tall Big Hairy Guy at the Showers.

"You must be Bernie," He says, putting a fatherly arm around me ( no funny stuff at all)

"Yeah, I'm Bernie - what, you want to invest in my funds?"

"Very Funny," he says.. "I like your style. You believe in Family first and so do we."

This guy talks a little out of the side of his mouth, but I he seems tobe a solid, bright fella, if a little rough around the edges.

"I noticed in the papers that you have employed, for many years, several members of the Italian Community as your trusted helpers. Close helpers, I gather. I like that."

"We Italians and you Jews really need to stick together. We're alike, you know. We love our families, our good food and we're loyal. Every time we try to make an extra couple bucks, they come after us."

So, Ira, I feel like I'm, in a scene from The Godfather," but I play along because I am smelling MEATSAUCE!, and I'm guessing this guy has some major juice in here.

Sure enough, he has a little kitchen set up - he invites me to eat some spaghetti with his sauce - he even had Reggiana parmigiana cheese.. Imagine.. the BEST kind. Like straw colored. First decent meal I've had in weeks.

So we sit and talk a little. The guards let him do pretty much what he wants, and I want to know how this happens.

His nickname is "Frankie S" For obvious reasons, I'm not at liberty to divulge his true name, but you would recognize it at once. So, here we are forging a relationship. We eat together once in a while, I listen to his music, and we talk. He protects me in the showers and the rooftop "exercise" area. (Otherwise, they would have me bouncing off the barbed wire, and we do need the fresh air.)

First thing he does, and, Ira, this is funny as hell, he tells me - " watch the New York Numbers" winner from this past weekend.. just watch.. And what the hell, it's my Prison Number.. he made that happen.This is SOME GUY! I understand 501 people won 1500 bucks a piece. Is that great or what?

He has most of the guards in his back pockets, and he's giving me advice about what to do. He sees his priest almost every day, and now I'm seeing the Rabbi. The one Ezra recommended. He's kind of a nebbbish, but he gets me Kosher meals ( tell Ruthie), and takes me in his office.

We BS about religion, he prays a little and I mumble along, and He says G-D will forgive me.. better Cuomo and The Feds should forgive me, also the investors who were last in , but this is not his field.

He gets very good bagels too. Remind me to send him the hand sanitizer and to make a donation to his shul.. if he has one. Maybe I could go on the Board!

Frankie and I are hoping to get sent to the same Federal Penitentiary,so I'll get you the name and phone number of his attorney - whom I am sure you know - and you guys are going to need to work this out. I really MEAN this, Irving.

BLM

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