Home -> Law Blog Directory -> Law Humor Blogs -> Bernard Madoff

Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Bernie's Blisters:Challenges MCC Up-Dick Rule

Ira- This memo was slid under the bars this morning, and I'm blistering about it!

The word hasn't apparently reached these morons that Dick Cheney is being sued by Spain for violating exactly the types of things they are doing to me in here!

TO: Bernard Madoff
From: S. Dodrill,
Northeast Regional Director,
US Bureau of Prisons

Dear Mr. Madoff: We're necessarily concerned about the health of all of our guests within the MCC, and after having completed a full medical evaluation, it appears that the erythematous papules extracted from your lower region will require us to take additional protective steps, including issuing you a new jump suit.

Due to the shortage of DOP funding, we believe that the best way to mitigate a contagious episode within the facility will necessarily require your new jump suit to be affixed with signage on the back of the jumpsuit displaying "Do Not Enter".

Should you have any further questions, please submit them in writing, in triplicate. We regret that your supply of printer cartridges has been exhausted. As such, each submission will require your manual entry.

Speaking of manual entries, we must caution you again that steps you have taken to befriend other inmates of our facility will not be tolerated, explaining why you will be required to wear the new signage at all times, including your visits to the shower and recreational facilities.

This new procedure conforms to both SEC and MCC-mandated guidelines with regard to the newly-implemented Up-Dick Rule that is intended to eliminate infections that result from naked shorting.

It is my understanding that as former Chairman of the NASDAQ Stock Market, you are intimately aware of the impact of allowing your shorts to be naked, and now that MCC is working more closely with the SEC, you will appreciate that this rule has been implemented at the recommendation of another Dick, who has recently been appointed the Chairman of the MCC-SEC Joint Committee.

Notwithstanding your repeated requests for sausages, its been brought to my attention that certain staff members may have misconstrued those requests, and as such, the below MCC-approved educational video should help you to avoid certain activities while you are remanded to our facility.

S. Dodrill

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 31, 2009 (boomark / email).