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The Hard

By Anonymous

Landon ran into a corner and dissolved into tears when I dropped him off at daycare this morning. I left the building with tiny pins of tears pricking my eyes and a stern, steady inner monologue reminding me that I Cannot quit my job, I do not Want to quit my job, my family Lives off the money I make, I have worked Very hard to do what I do, I am Very Lucky to have such a wonderful job when thousands of lawyers are being fired, I Like what I do, Landon Likes daycare, we would have No money if I did not work, providing things like Shelter and Food makes me a good mom, even if I have to do things that make him cry, quitting work and living off credit cards would Not make me a better parent, etc.

I was able to keep the lecture up for my entire eight minute commute to work, where I immediately logged onto the daycare camera website to find him dancing on the wooden loft with two of his classmates. He's fine. I'm fine. But my God was that hard.

It's difficult for me to write about this kind of day. I feel such a need to prove to everyone that this can be done, that you can be a happy working mom, that having Landon this early when I don't have the choice to quit work even if I wanted to wasn't a mistake. But I think it's important because everyone has hard days and I don't want to pretend that I don't. I also think it makes it more believable when I write about how well everything works 95% of the time. Because it does.

But right now, even though I can see him sitting in a circle around his teacher, listening to a story with rapt attention, I'm dangerously close to tears remembering him sobbing on the floor when I walked out of the room.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on April 02, 2009 (boomark / email).