Law Humor

Madoff Family Victimized

From: Andy
To: Dad

The Seder dinner at Ezra's was a joke. Since I was the youngest, it was me that searched for the matzoh, and what do I get?? A copy of Ezra's BMIS brokerage statement with a f--king measly $2 milllion balance, along with a note that says "Call Jodi if you want to withdraw.."

I felt like b-slapping the guy right there, but I thought of how you'd react, and kept myself nice and calm.

We've got a few more problems, and since I'm the only one that would stand up and say anything in a muffled voice, you might want to read this while you're sitting down. Even if your ass is burning.

You already know that The Bull was grabbed by its balls by the French police a few days ago. When those idiots tried to move it this morning, a bunch of f--king Somali pirates actually hijacked it, and now they're saying they found a computer disk that says "If Found, Return To Frank DiPascali, Jr."

What with all of the cash we've put into Bernie's Brazilians, even Shana says that her account is waxed, and that any ransom money is going to have to come from the Cohmad emergency account.

So I called Marcia, but she says she's ".. in Vermont and strapped right now..."--and you know what that means, so I called Frank and left a message suggesting he should attempt a rescue operation with his boat. That moron txted me back and he said he was ".. down in Bermuda trying to make a withdrawal, but the ATM card isn't working..."

You gave him an ATM card for the account at Bank of Bermuda???

Another problem- Uncle Pete's been scrambling, and after reading the latest edition of FinAlternatives, he found out that one of his other investments--that porn movie company, is apparently some kind of sham. Mark says that 20 different guys from STA got hooked, but the good news is that these stories are taking the heat of you. Even Crudele at NY Post said that he's going to focus on something else for a while.

Speaking of balls, Manzke's kid says the Madoff golf ball sales are picking up now that the weather is clearing, and I've told everybody to scroll to the right and buy some, but he's being a prick and telling me that he can't pay the commission because of all their legal bills.

Mom actually ran into his Mom down in Boca last week, but all she would say is that "..she's reading this great new book.. and not to bother her..." Mom says its a "raunchy Wall Street thriller with lots of sex.." and that she's going to get you a copy, but I'm figuring we can make a few bucks by pitching it on your blog..

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 09, 2009 (boomark / email).