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Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Ruth Rips Bernie Another One...

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To: Prisoner #61727-054
From: His Wife

After the shock I had when I was in the girls room at Publix, and overheard about your interview with that bitch from CNBC, even the damn defib wouldn't have been able to get me off that rancid floor.

Fortunately, Nancy and Al were kind enough to pick me up, and who did I run in to when we pulled into the driveway??

Obviously my keys don't work now, and whatever moron lawyer that you and your half-wit brother hired to take care of the Homestead thing should be sued for malpractice.

This is what I have to say to you Bernie:

You slimy son of a bitch bastard.
After all I've done for you?!@#$ Which I won't go into now.

Jane Wells - right.. she is very pretty, very talented and VERY married.

Fine, if you "can't wait" for little Janey to visit again, then you won't be needing me and my Desitin and my fifty years of shared history.

So I've canceled the road trip, and am going to a spa someplace North of Palm Beach to get a full body massage and facial while you get off watching her get strip searched.

No one is laying a hand on MY ass, I can tell you that. Unless I want them to!!!

First of all, that photo is NOT of Jane Wells, as anyone can plainly see.

And, Bernie, you haven't bought enough jewelry to know that the necklace is part of the dress?

Oy - it's like rhinestones embroidered into the collar. Besides, Shana says there is some other meaning of " a pearl necklace" but she won't tell me what it is. What is it?????? Why is she giggling? Is it dirty?

About this Bentley you promised "Janey".. Marcia Cohn says she's too afraid to write a check right now, and I'm certainly not wiring any money out of my account at Wachovia to buy any Bentley for any blond 25 years younger than I am. If you didn't know, the bastards took the little car too.

Here's an idea for you--maybe she can get Annette's Bentley- the frozen one. Or maybe you can thaw out your brother's Aston Martin and give that to her. All of you thought you were so damn smart!

Last--Mark says that half of Greenwich is under siege right now and Stephie is too afraid to even pick up food at Garelick and Herbs .

All thanks to your goyim friends, the Noels --they put a f--king sign on their front lawn pointing to Mark's house. I told him to head up to Nantucket, but that lunatic Galvin supposedly has state troopers on the border. Madness.

The only good news is that there isn't enough muckrakers to be chasing after everyone, and if that shicksa Monica wants to claim 'she only met us three times", then let her schedule an interview with 60 minutes and she can have the spotlight.

Here's one more thing for you to sit on, if you can. And I really hope you can't.

Andy is MIA. The last I spoke to him, he said something about "..needing to meet with some guy named Epstein at Prima Capital. ." He said you told him it was ok to sell your and my life insurance policies to him.... What is he talking about?? Is this the same Epstein that we knew from Roslyn??

I know where to find you, if I need you. Right now, I need to get Raoul on the phone.

Ruth