Law Humor

NBC Proposes Real Deal For Bernie & Co.

To: Shana Madoff, Esq.
From: Ben Silverman
Co-Chairman, NBC Entertainment
cc: J.Zucker
cc: E. Starkman

Shana, Baby!

I got your cell from Zucker, and he got it from Janey Wells, and she got it from...well, you can probably guess where. Anyway, if you don't know me, I'm the Czar here at NBC in charge of Reality TV, and I think we should be talking.

My people are telling me that you're sort of the ringleader for the kids in the family, and that you're also tight for cash. I know that you're already getting burned in some crazy leg waxing business with your cousins, and someone told me that you're down to hawking Girl Scout cookies. That's crazy!

You're a hot property, and we've got some fantastic ideas that fit right into Uncle Bernie's idea about leveraging the Bernie & Co. brand. Here's just a few:

1. I'm thinking you could use a trip right about now, and we can pair you up with Blogo, the ex-Gov of Illinois, and put you on a new show that we're about to start shooting. We're going to drop a bunch of people into the jungle down in Costa Rica, and everyone's going to be looking for treasures and coming up with ways to get out of tight jams. If you've got some tight jammies, that's good too. It'll be great for the image. Maybe we could include your cousins and do some kind of deep sea fishing thing too.

2. I want to know more about Bernie's Brazilians--and maybe we can lead into the Costa Rica show with clips of you running that new leg waxing place. Maybe an intro segment of your cousin Andy practicing on you--and maybe we can get that lady Nan Bongiorno to come in as a customer. From the pics--looks like she could use an entire body waxing! It'll make for great entertainment!

3. This thing I read about Sugar Daddies and SeekingArrangements...Even if your Daddy is helping you out right now, I'd hate to see you go down that path. We've got another show about "Cougars". Maybe you can talk your Aunt Ruthie into a cameo? Judging by that photo, she's looking great, and she's already got a bag full of cash, so we don't even need to supply the props!

4. I've got a bunch of other pitches to throw at you and your peeps--including an Ozzie Osbourne & Family type of show (that made everyone a nice piece of change!) but, since you're the compliance officer, I figured its best that you and I do the meet and greet thing to kick things off.

BTW-If Starkman wants to hold out--tell him that the window of opportunity on this is going to freeze faster than, well...I think you get my drift.

My cell # displayed on your caller ID--so give me a ring back--and we'll make sure that nobody on your side has to worry about hocking any rings, or watches, or anything else.

Like your Uncle Bernie likes to say...Trust Me!

Ben Silverman

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 15, 2009 (boomark / email).