Law Humor

Madoff Mullls Media Marriage With Allen Stanford

To Bernard Madoff:
From: Allen Stanford

Bernie-

No thanks to you, and your loud mouth son, now my credit cards don't work either. Back in Feb, your smart ass son was credited with shining a spot light on me, and for the the past two months, the dickheads at SEC have been shining their little flashlights on everything and anything.

I'm getting wild-eyed and buggy with all of these lights shining in my face, and up my behind, but like I told that reporter yesterday, those people down in Washington couldn't find a hole if it had hair on it.

Just ask those poor bastards that own that restaraunt Bacar in 'Frisco. How much did it cost them in lawyers to prove to the feds that Ruthie had sold her stake in that place more than two years ago??

I'm guessing that some idiot at the SEC kept thinking stake meant "steak", so they were chomping on clawing back the pieces. Instead of those government clawyers following the money and realizing that those people at Fairfield Greenwich and MAXAM were pulling out hundreds of millions right up until November, they've been going after nobodies.

So what happens? The little people get screwed! Which is exactly why I've been contributing to Rick Perry's campaigns for years. I say if you want to succeed, you've got secede!!!

Damn almighty, I couldn't come close to making money disappear the way those people in Washington are doing it. And even my CFO Jim Davis couldn't figure out how to make up financial statements like those people at BofA and those other damn banks.

So what's my point? I'm hearing that you're getting calls from NBC every day now, and since I had some money with you, and since you've got some CD's in my place in Antigua, I'm thinking we should be partnering up. I might not have been smart enough to make all kinds of lawyer retainer deposits like your people did before the shit hit the fan, but then again, I didn't do anything wrong; and right now, I could use the cash. You know what it costs to fill up a jet with gas?? Of course you do!

A reality TV show with both of us on it can make us a bunch of quick cash. But not that Celebrity Apprentice show with Trump. I don't trust that guy further than I could throw a pile of premium bull sh-t across my ranch. I'm thinking we can even run our TV spots during the breaks--you can sell your stuff, and we can have my people pitching bank accounts and CD's.

Let me know, or I'm going to have to go it alone.
Allen

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 21, 2009 (boomark / email).