Law Humor

Toast, Rolls and Butter from Bernie

Even though I stopped drinking a long time ago, I suppose I should toast you for spending so much time on my blog while you gathered research material for your article. And I suppose I need to talk to Stanley Bing about pointing you to the blog. That's fine. He's on the board.

Sure, that's me over on the left, in my younger days, before I got ripped off by that Jack Dick and his bull semen scheme--but that's when I figured out that everyone in this world is just out to make a buck--and its a Caveat Emptor World. And its not like I meant this to happen. It just happened.

To: Frank DiPascali
From: Bernie

What? You think we didn't know what you meant when you kept asking Jodi to pick up extra rolls of dimes back in December? I didn't care about the rolls, at least you know where your bread is buttered. Of course the boys didn't know anything. Why should they need to. But you don't know so much either, you never did. That's why I hired you.

BTW- Tell that kid Mukasey to speak to Ira about the bill and to stop calling Ruth about it. Sure she's got that Wachovia account, but do you have any f--king idea what's going on with her credit card interest rates??? What those people at Citi are doing is criminal! Absolutely criminal!!

Next:

To: Jamie Dimon
From: Bernie

OK, so I f--ked up at the end of January by maybe leaving a few clues for the clawyers--and maybe that law firm spent more than fifteen minutes on this blog researching their case.

But, Jamie, that lawsuit filed yesterday is a fly on an elephant's ass compared to the other stuff. I've been telling you this for three months. Don't forget, I've got the Midas touch--and I can call all kinds of things. Well, I guess that doesn't include calling my driver to pick me up right now, but I think you get the drift.

Boys:

Mother's Day is coming up and I'm thinking you should do something nice for your's.. for a change.

I found this fantastic chocolate--Caoni. Its 100% Arriba and imported directly from Ecuador. I actually heard about it from Abby, that new kid in here. What a muse!! He said that his crew hijacked a private yacht and found three cases of it. This stuff is absolutely fantastic. Makes any other chocolate look like Hershey's kisses...which is fine too, but we want the best. Especially chocolate.

Get your Mom a few boxes, you can order it online at Amazon. We don't need any more pictures of her shopping in the supermarket for this kind of stuff. Just click on this photo--they've got all kinds of varieties--milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and your Mom will like the chocolate with coffee! Charge it to one of the Cohmad accounts.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 25, 2009 (boomark / email).