Law Humor

Like Bernie Says: Keep Your Mouth Shut

From: Eric Starkman
Starkman & Co.

RE: Konigsberg

Gary, Gary Gary-

I feel like Ari Emanuel when I say, "anytime you're ready to jump ship, we've got a place for you.." But only if you follow our rules.

First, you people are hired by the Noels to paint pictures, and because you had them yapping and putting themselves 'out there', they subsequently get hit with civil fraud charges. Did you see those emails they exchanged??? What? They didn't tell you about what they knew before you started 'managing' their PR crisis??

Those people need to be in the press with pictures of their girls partying like I need a case of swine flu!

Now you've got this libel lawsuit idea on behalf of one Bernie's partners, a f--king principal in his business and made a fortune, a guy that audited the books! And your crying "libel" and "defammation" against of all people, the wife of the Manhattan District Attorney! Not only does her husband have more juice than a warehouse full of that Soapopular alcohol-free hand sanitizer, but she's an all-star muckraker!!

Gary--I'm thrilled for you that these people are paying you big retainers to do crisis management...that's why we're happy for you to bring those accounts over to us.

But the advice that you're giving them is for shit. Konigsberg is going to be eating more clawyer letters than he is lobster claws for the next God-knows-how-many months, and you want him in the spotlight and pursuing a libel lawsuit against some f--king rag that nobody even reads??!!

Did you see the clawyer letter that the stupid kid in Long Island got from Picard??? You know who I mean--the smart alecky law student that sued Bernie's brother and managed to get a temporary ass freezing. Can you spell t-e-m-p-o-r-a-r-y?? If that kid didn't bring so much attention on himself, you think Picard would have sent him a letter demanding $65,000 back?? Of course not!

There's a reason that the Madoff kids have me on retainer. I'm controlling this situation the way a pro controls it. And when this hurricane blows over, I'm going to make them f--king media moguls. Trust me.

You've got my cell phone number. Give me a call. No e-mails please. That's something that I've learned from Bernie--and I'm trying to get the kids to follow the same instructions.

Eric

PS This swine flu thing is a bit scary, so before you shake any hands, get yourself some of that Soapopular hand sanitizer. Its alcohol free..feels great on the hands...I'll do you a favor and give you my 20% discount code when you shop on their website. Its Get20off

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 28, 2009 (boomark / email).