Law Humor

Bernie's Babes and Bobbles

Why everyone is suddenly asking who I am, considering you've been "kind" enough to have mentioned me for months on your stupid blog is beyond me.

No, I'm not about to sell my story to VF like Elly did...its not like I forgot how to sign checks, and its not like those morons from the SEC got hold of all the check books.

But considering how loyal and faithful I've been over the years--it would be nice if you could provide a reference letter for me to Mr. Dreier. I'm guessing that he'll be joining your bridge or backgammon soon, but while he's on the outside, and busy staring through his binoculars into your wife's windows, he needs someone to sign checks for him. Apparently he's still not allowed to be in possession of any sharp instruments, including pens.

Seems odd, but what would I know? I didn't even know how much was actually in the accounts that I was signing checks for! Right, Bernie??

I should have balanced the books better?? With Ruth pestering me?? What? Does it look like I'm driving a Bentley??

Listen Bernie--the Caoni Chocolates were fantastic, I love using the Soapopular--and I'm thrilled to hear that federal prisons don't allow Purell and are busy buying boatloads of your favorite alcohol-free hand sanitizer. I even read that filthy book that you reviewed and said "every gal will love this.." It was marginal, but it did the trick.

Speaking of tricks, Paul isn't very happy. The check that you told him to deposit "in case of emergency" bounced on him. Yes, I know that he signed it, but you've already told the whole damn world who else was authorized to sign company checks. And, if they can't remember, let them search your entire stupid blog!!

I'm boycotting that stupid TV show tonight. I don't care that its on PBS. Why would I want to watch your friend "Frankie Beans" Bienes fart around and make a fool of himself?? All I know is that I kept my part of the bargain, Bernie---and I'm expecting that Peter, or your boys will see to it that the Madoff's keep their part. And don't tell me that "Ruth will take care of it.." That would be the wrong answer for someone that was listed as your controller.

ECP

BTW--Andy says that as the former head of prop trading, this is the time to go short the market. Something about credit card defaults on the rise. I'm thinking he's got a Mini Midas
complex--after all the sheckles don't fall far from your tree, right?

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on May 12, 2009 (boomark / email).