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Law Humor
: Bernard MadoffMadoff The Marauder Fights The NY Post

From: Bernie Madoff
To: Rich Calder
Ass't Muckraker, NY Post
Rich:
Let's get something clear; the story that you just wrote, and the one that a bunch of other idiot news outlets have picked up on is as farcical and fabricated as the other "scoops" that your trash newspaper has published.
Of course I've got a great right jab, and of course I've got one son that likes to bitch-slap every once in a while, but the concept of my getting into a "shoving match" here at Butt Hole is simply ludicrous.
What? You people are running out of news stories?? And, why would I get into an argument with anyone about which way the stock market is headed?
Here's a story that you should report on: How about the one about an 85-year old investor that had two accounts with me for 25 years, never took out a dime, and yet Irv Picard's office has been giving this guy the run-around for months about his SIPC claims.
First they tell him "it will take several months to figure out how to decipher microfiche records", then they call last month and say "..we're going to send you release forms this week for you to sign and send back....", and then after three weeks, when he gets nothing in the mail, they say "Oops, we're still working on getting you those forms.."
You know what I think? I think that Irv's office is trying to starve these poor people, and delay any payments for as along as possible to the elder cocker's, and hoping they'll drop dead before long. And then they'll force the poor schmucks' estates to produce yet another truckload of documents before they'll "re-process the claim.
Anybody ever hear of the "honest services" law? That's the one that requires officeholders and fiduciaries to act only in the best interests of their constituents and employers.."
Well, from where I'm sitting on my butt here in Butt Hole, it sure looks like there should be a big serving of law suits coming down the pike.
Ruth-Where the f--k are you?? I've been trying to get you on the phone for 3 days!!
B.L. Madoff
Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on October 13, 2009 (boomark / email).
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