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: Lag Liv

Down. Very Down.

By Anonymous

We're three days in and my week has been so bad I called in for narcotics.

It's not quite like it sounds. I have a medical need. On Monday afternoon I started getting a headache. And by "started getting a headache" I mean sharp pains started shooting around in my forehead. I've had frequent, terrible headaches since 9th grade, so I just took some tylenol and tried to ignore it. By that night the ache had settled in the back of my head and was so painful I could barely blink or move. I woke up Tuesday morning with the same pain, but worked through it all day by taking tylenol and telling myself it was helping. Last night it was so bad I started to get scared. This morning it was still there so I gave in and called my doctor. She was concerned and prescribed two Vicodin and told me to go home to bed, and if I don't sleep it off, I am to come in to the office tomorrow morning for testing.

While I've been battling this horrific headache, we found out that JP's car needs $3,000 worth of repairs. Since it's worth only $3,500, and will probably just keep needing more repairs, we've resigned ourselves to replacing it- we might as well put that $3,000 towards a few months of car payments. I am extremely unhappy about this sudden unplanned expense, and maybe even more unhappy about spending my one weekend at home pre-Christmas and pre-inlaws at various car dealerships. I should be excited about one of us owning a car that was made in the last decade, but the truth is I couldn't care less about the model or age of our cars, I just want them to run, and I would so much rather direct that monthly payment to my loans or our retirement accounts. In fact the whole idea of picking out and paying for a car at the last minute is too stressful for me to think about right now, so we'll move on to the next thing.

JP's partnership is still winding up and it remains painful and fury-inducing to watch. It is also deeply disappointing to see someone I thought was a friend turn into someone I want nothing to do with. It is sad to me that Landon will soon forget about someone he used to call uncle. And most of all it hurts to watch JP do the work to dismantle his dream.

Work is fine, but extremely busy and my leaving at 2 p.m. today to hide in bed is not helping. My personal to-do list is completely out of control thanks to hosting Christmas and being away for the last two weekends, though at least a lot of those items are things I would like to have done and not things that must be done. My work tasks are not so optional and stress is going to set in if I don't get started on some of them soon.

My in-laws arrive in 6 days (and are staying for 8) and I feel too emotionally raw to handle it. This week has just so thoroughly sucked and my head has hurt so badly without a break- I was even aware of the pain as I slept.

This might be my worst blog post ever and I'm sorry, I'm just down. I'm rarely down and I don't like it. My parents never tolerated self-pity and I was raised to always, always see the positive, or if there is truly none, to have hope and work towards changing the situation. Maybe if this Vicodin and a good night's sleep do their magic, I can start thinking that way tomorrow.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on December 16, 2009 (boomark / email).