Law Humor

Its All in the Release...

Baker Hostetler LLP Internal Memo

To: Tom W.

From: Irv P.

The weather outside is 75 and sunny, thanks for asking. Speaking of Sonny, and the other Sonny..Golf swing improving..the pro showed me a new release form. Stop with the internal memos please.

On the other thing, I said we?d be sending our releases the second of never, not the second of November! Just keeping telling those people that it?s a SIPA Board decision. Completely out of our hands.

What? Would you rather be taking customer service calls for Dell, and making $15 an hour dealing with that kind of nonsense?? If you can?t handle a few cranky old people calling to kvetch about releases, have them call Damian. Those messages go straight into voice mail anyway.

Speaking of releases, Yes, I "figured out" the connection between the release of Dimes DiPascali and the tax charges against the Madoff Mob. Of course its not a coincidence. The Feds can have them, and they can have Bentley Bongiorno too. She might know where the bones are buried, but they?re dog bones. That file has gotten as cold as a stone, and I don?t want to deal with her lawyer. He?s a fighter. Bad odds going up against him.

And no, don?t bring up the JP Morgan thing again. You need to learn more about politics!

Speaking of stoned?what were you smoking when you told that guy that his claim was going to get paid as soon as I got back from vacation??? I told you- the Board?s policy is very clear: we?re paying claims on the second of Never!

Stop asking questions. The Board is comprised of experts at not paying claims, and people that are better at weaving, ducking and jabbing than you are. You can?t find one single consumer advocate at that Tea Party, and that?s the way it is. Period. Just keep passing the buck, and nobody will have to worry about paying out any bucks!

Next: Give your wife a treat this weekend. After all, its Valentine?s Day. Come to NY a few days early and check in at the Parker Meridien. Have brunch at Norma?s. Charge it to the firm, we have special account there. Don?t ask why.

Speaking of Valentines Day?do me a favor?send two dozen donuts over to the 17th floor at Lipstick. The more those people keep sitting on their butts, the more hours we can bill.

Irv

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 12, 2010 (boomark / email).