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Humping Day at Madoff-ville

Bernie, I know that your hemorrhoids are causing a pain, but you have no idea what I've been going through! Of all the times I go to visit Cynthia in Westport, the town gets hit with a Tsunami, I was almost killed by a falling tree, we've been without electricity since Saturday, and the defib's batteries ran out!! Do you have any idea the discomfort that I've been going through?? This is worse than Haiti!!

And, poor dear Mark and his wife with the "new name", they're almost homeless! Greenwich was declared a disaster area!! Can you imagine??  Ruth


Mom--its me, Andy. Cathy is going to organize a telethon benefit concert for the family.  Ben Silverman thinks the ratings will be bigger than the Master Golf Tourny. He's already signed up 50 Cent, Chris Brown, and Charlie Sheehan to make celebrity appearances. Ben says that Tiger Woods had agreed to appear, but turns out that Sonny Cohn's prediction came true, and Tiger is going back to the tour faster than anyone would have guessed. But the good news is that Picard won't be able to touch any of the money that we raise.

Andy--its Mark here. You're missing the big picture. Forget about shvartza celebrities. Its all about come backs. If Tiger Woods, Chris Brown, Charlie Sheehan, not to mention that shit head Spitzer, Thain, and God-knows-how-many others from Wall Street can make a comeback, then Dad can too! Mom-you need to call Ike Sorkin and get him focused on the appeal!


Yo' Mark..Its me, 50 Cent.--what's with the "shvartza" language?? How'd you like an Obama-style Knuckle Sandwich, you m--f--ing knucklehead?! This telethon is about me getting some of my cash back. You and yours can stand in line! That honkey ass Picard still hasn't processed my SIPC claim!! He's giving me some booshit about transfers that I made between accounts!


1. Mark is right. I think there are significant grounds to appeal, even if you did plead guilty. Everybody's been cooking their books over the past ten or twenty years; including most government agencies. There's no need to list them here. The point is, regulators and government agencies have known about it forever, and they've been looking the other way the entire time.  This means that its actually legal. There's plenty of case law to support this.

2. The benefit telethon concert is a good idea, but the beneficiaries have got to include not just the family members that were victims, but at least a few hundred or so investors that were "victims". Starkman will agree with me on this.



Ike--I disagree with you. Ruth needs to be given top billing on this, and she needs to get at least 50% of the telethon proceeds. Otherwise, the divorce action is going to move forward.
R.Felder




Ladies, Gentlemen..Please, enough politicking!
We need to think these ideas through more carefully!

The idea of a fund-raising telethon is one that we've actually been considering for the Treasury, so its a good proposal. But, we need to create at least five or six committees to study these issues more closely.

In the mean time, I'm recommending that Chris Cox be appointed the head of CARP, the Consumer Advocate Regulatory Police, which will operate as part of the Federal Reserve, but will report to a joint task force that includes the SEC, the US Treasury, Homeland Security and the TSA.

Nobody will have ultimate decision-making powers, so that will ensure that we have plenty of working lunch and working dinner meetings for at least the next ten years!


Barney


 Barney, the CARP idea makes sense to me. In fact, to demonstrate that I want to do my part by doing the right thing, we'll be happy to contribute as much carp as we can catch!    M. Madoff

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 18, 2010 (boomark / email).