Family Law

Tips to Help Children Adjust to Divorce and Having Two Places to Live

By J. Benjamin Stevens

The following guest post is from Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, author of "From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman's Journey through Divorce":

As a psychotherapist specializing in helping families through divorce, I offer these specific thoughts with regard to helping children adjust to divorce and having two places to live.

1. The younger the child, they more they need frequent contact with each parent. A teenager can go four-five days without seeing the other parent, while a two year old flourishes with more frequent, even daily visits. They can be short-an hour is fine.
2. Siblings should not be split but rather "attend" visitation together. In this time of upheaval, they offer each other consistency and support.
3. Parents should not use the "hand off time" as an opportunity to fight or discuss any elements of the divorce. Keep your conversation cordial and polite.
4. Children need some down time before the transition-quiet playing gives then a chance to prepare themselves for the emotional and practical shift. Just as time before leaving for school should be drama-free, so should the time before visitation.
5. Let the children know the schedule. With small children you can get them a calendar and mark with a red M the times with Mom and a blue D the times with Dad. Aside from teaching children about calendars, dates and times, it also gives them a sense of control.
6. Stick to visitation schedule as much as possible. ALWAYS be prompt for pick up and drop off. Tardiness creates anxiety in children.
7. Recognize the schedule will evolve over time as your children's needs change.

©2005/2010. Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a licensed psychotherapist in Connecticut. Her first book, From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman's Journey through Divorce won an Honorable Mention Award by the Independent Publishers Association. To read more about the author and her work, please visit www.donnaferber.com.

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on April 05, 2010 (boomark / email).