Law Humor

From: Bernie,To: Blankfein. Madoff Memo For Friday

FYI- I spoke with Mary Shapiro this morning. She says she's profoundly sorry for the screw-up, and had no f--king idea about the charges announced this morning. She says that General Klotz has caused a massive military cluster-f--k in the place and one hand still doesn't have any idea what the other is doing.

Must be related to the fact that they're still wiping that Purell on their hands..Could be the fumes.. I keep telling her to outfit the place with the alcohol-free stuff, but these things take time.

The good news: As a favor, Mary says she is planning on demoting Klotz to Corporal and reducing his clout, and she's bringing back Shana's husband to straighten out the internal communication issues so that these things don't happen.

In the mean time, deny, deny, deny. Schumer's still got your back.

Best regards,
BLM

From: Elliot Spitzer, Governor of New York (ret)
To: Irving Picard
cc: Steve Harbeck

Gentlemen:

No doubt you are aware that I still have some juice, and that my popularity ranking is rising again. Could be because the juice I use is Soapopular

In any case, I'm sure you are familiar with the "no-claw-back" legislation sponsored by Rep. Ackerman. This bill righteously and retroactively would estopp SIPC from the ridiculous way in which you are calculating "net cash in vs. cash out" and force you to re-calculate the claim payment that my Dad, the Good Bernie, is entitled to.

Although he still has yet to receive his payment, your position that money he merely transferred from one account to another was a "net cash out" and reduces the advance payment of what he is entitled to is a de facto claw back that Congress is going outlaw retroactively.

My guess is that you'll take the position that Congress isn't empowered to adjudicate this issue, and you'll insist that the Bankruptcy Court would have to over rule the way you've been calculating what my Dad's claim payment should be, not to mention more than a few of his friends.

Some people have enjoyed calling me Spitzer the Pisher, or even Spitzer Sphincter; that's fine, even for those that can even pronounce those names. But, all you need to do is ask Ken Langone, Dick Grasso, or Hank Greenberg what happens when I get my dander up.

I won't comment on the comments made about how "determined" I become when other of my body parts get up.

With that in mind, I don't make idle threats. You don't want this issue to wind up in a court. Ask my friend, Andy.

Elliott Spitzer

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 17, 2010 (boomark / email).