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Go Tiger

By Jack M. Balkin

I have, like other contributors to Balkinization, refrained from commenting on the Tiger Woods spectacle, though I confess that I have been ambivalent about whether I continued to wish him well on the golf course. But any ambivalence was removed upon reading a story to appear in the New York Times. It details the "rebuke" directed at Mr. Woods by Billy Payne, the chairman of Augusta National Golf Club. Mr. Payne, with rightous indignation, harrumphed that Mr. Woods "disappointed all of us, and more importantly, our kids and our grandkids? by his rather spectacular fall from monogamy.

This is touching--perhaps Mr. Payne's great-grandfather pleaded with Shoeless Joe Jackson to "say it isn't so"--but I confess to feeling that Mr. Payne's outrage might better be directed at many of his fellow Club members, described by the Times as "chief executives from many of the country?s biggest corporations and investment banks as well as business leaders worldwide." And, of course, every single one of his fellow members is male, since Augusta National is notorious for being a bastion of sexism. But Mr. Payne is apparently shocked and outraged that Mr. Woods, along with being possibly the greatest golfer of all time, was, off the golf course, fucking lots of women other than his wife. But there is, to put it mildly, no similar outrage directed at his fellow Club members, i.e., the heads of "the country's biggest corporations and investment banks," who have, for many years, not only have been totally oblivious to the insult of maintaining Augusta National as an all-male institution, but have also been fucking their employees (metaphorically, of course, though, one suspects, in at least some cases, quite literally)[ADDITION: and, for that matter, their employers, i.e., shareholders who might, if asked, have objected to the obscene salaries that many of these corporate denizens no doubt collected] and, in the case of the investment bankers especially, fucking the entire American (and worldwide) public amd using their ill-gotten gains to pay whatever it costs to maintain one's membership at Augusta National Golf Club.

So my wish for this April season is that Tiger (at least metaphorically) tears Augusta National apart, winning by, say, fifteen or twenty strokes, and then tells Mr. Payne, in no uncertain terms, what he can do with his green championship coat. One of the reasons for ambivalence about Mr. Woods, quite independently of his sexual escapades, is that he has so consistently chosen to serve his corporate masters by distancing himself from any kinds of social or political controversies, including the scandalous sexism of Augusta National. That is, he has been an absolutely terrible role model of "citizenship" (like, to be sure, Michael Jordan, who also preferred to sell shoes rather than to engage in anything that might be called citizenship). Perhaps Mr. Woods will emerge from his treatment not only with a different approach to sex, but also with a backbone that will no longer be submissive to such hypocritical charlatans as Mr. Payne. In any case, forced to choose between Tiger Woods and Mr. Payne, my loyalties are with Tiger, who is by far the lesser threat to Americans children and grandchildren than the members of Augusta National Golf Club for whom Mr. Payne so sanctimoniously speaks.

[UPDATE: My new-found enthusiasm for Tiger is already waning, thanks to an editorial in today's Austin American Statesman that focuses on his expressed wish to once again become "a good investment" for American businesses who have backed off from gazillion dollar contracts for Tiger to flack their wares. He seems altogether willing to sell his soul to the corporations if only they will, once again, give him the chance. As someone suggested in the comments below, Tiger is only slightly more likely to call for a new constitutional convention to address our constitutional deficiencies than to tell Mr. Payne what he can do with his green coat. Go Tom Watson!!

Full post as published by Balkinization on April 08, 2010 (boomark / email).