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#Madoff's Media Manager On #Deepwater Doo-Doo

Screwed By Crude; Slick Talking Down a Slippery Slope; BP's Pipe Dream?;
Federal Agency Facing PR Fiasco; Moguls Muck Up Marketing Communications..Lessons Not to Live By..


wow...The headline (however run-on), tells a whale of a tale..and should be a case study for any studious (and film studio ) marketing communications consigliere.

Sure, last month's Deepwater Horizon oil rig collapse off the coast of Louisiana, and subsequent environmental tsunami has (deservedly) remained a front page story since the tragedy first unfolded. Millions of gallons of oil leaking havoc on Mother Nature, billions of dollars in environmental clean-up costs and businesses lost, and most incalculable; the tragic and arguably unnecessary loss of 11 lives; oil rig workers whose families will never be able to replace their lost loved ones.

And each chapter in the continuing saga reads no differently than more than a handful of previously-published, billion-dollar, Corporate Greed-Meets-Foggy-Bottom best sellers. The ones where truth is always stranger than fiction.

Or, as a good friend of mine likes to say, "Yo, LD! You can't make this sh*t up!"

In this case, we've even got a chorus-full of whistle blowers, perhaps saner, but just as prescient as Madoff-Buster Harry Markopolos. Each of whom were apparently trumpeting the "alarm" well in advance of the portending Gulf of Mexico oil rig disaster; an event that proved the sky really is falling.

For those that think that investigative journalism has no shoes (as in The King without clothes), and the profession has become a calling that's notorious for disconnects, and has been vanquished to the realm of impotency, we invite you to bookmark the CBS 60 Minutes broadcast from May 16; the one that will be remembered as the catalyst to a multi-billion dollar, multi-head-axing episode in the long-running history of Emmy, Grammy, and Oscar Winning Musical Comedy, HBO Series:  "Corporate Greed-Meets-Foggy Bottom."

More importantly, to the current and up-and-coming Marcom and PR crisis managing spinmeisters: heed the cry of yet another case study in which the defending team continuously punts instead of passing, bunts into balks, and has so far duffed every shot before Tiger Woods had to step in and suggest shoving all of the (golf) balls down BP's slippery chute.

Yes, the stories about BP whistle blowers have been leaking out for weeks; faster than the gush of as much as 25,000 gallons of black gold that's been leaking not far from our coast line every day.

And all of opposing teams, including BP, Halliburton and rig operator Transocean (did I forget to mention people inside the Dept. of Interior?) have all been doing a comical job of punching and jabbing each other along the way. Certainly no blame taking, just flame throwing accusations at others. That's usually a recipe for disaster for PR Crisis managers.

But, to disprove those that insist Big Business has become adept at sweeping the tar under the carpet (Toyota not included); crisis managers managing the Deepwater debacle are finding themselves in deep doo-doo. Marcom Maestros Take Heed! Don't do as they're doing; do as we say.

Within less than 500 minutes after 60 Minutes revealed the lead whistle-blower telling his story to the media for the first time, the first head has fallen: Chris Oynes, the Federal Government's senior executive in charge of overseeing the safety of offshore oil rigs coincidentally "retired" on Monday.

Hellooo??.."Retiring" from your job now? Amidst a national catastrophe and a firestorm of allegations? Sorry to tell you, but "retiring" isn't going to protect you from losing your government pension if you're charged and ultimately convicted of a crime related to your role in this disaster.

Didn't you hear? Politico is already breaking a story that documents the long-cherished history of your agency, and your office; of covering up safety oversights, knowingly failing to collect fees owed by drillers, and otherwise cozying up to oil industry lobbyists like panhandlers on New York's 10th Avenue.

There's a two chapter lesson to be learned from what's going on. Its in the latest edition of Marcomm 201 and Elementary Crisis Management. Here are the bullets:

1. To BP: Of course you're going to deny, deny (and deny some more) any culpability for what some fear is Exxon Valdez times ten. Two critical mistakes that you're making: 
i. Asserting your innocence in the face of expert testimony (and corroborating emails) from more than two individuals that seem to prove that you knowingly skirted all safety guidelines in pursuit of a faster buck
ii. Placing all of the blame on your subcontractors.

Positive positing is what sells, or at least saves the day. Stay away from the dart-throwing; your message needs to be controlled for sure, but you need to focus exclusively on all of the proactive steps you are taking. Put boots on the ground with bucks in their hands, buy some beers and win over the locals. You scored $5 billion in profits last quarter, so you can afford to spread some cash around in the name of Good Will.

2. To Ken Salazar and Team MMS. The tide is already coming in, and aside from tar balls, its carrying a flotilla of feisty ombudsmen wearing Katrina T-shirts, who have already discovered your agency's reputation for having a culture of out-sized ineptitude. Apparently, the "leadership" is so misguided that you make the senior staff at SEC look down-right capable in the course of regulating their industry. May G-d have mercy on your souls if it turns out that you let Chris Oynes retire with a get-out-of-jail free card in hand.

What you should have done is immediately suspend Oynes without pay, and without his ability to collect his government pension, pending the outcome of an independent investigation into the agency's alleged oversights of its oversight obligations. How can you justify such a draconian tact, you might ask?

Duh..how about the fact that despite the Deepwater disaster, in the days and weeks following, MMS continued to blatantly print out off-shore drilling approvals for the same area?!  BTW: why didn't MMS collect more than $1billion of fees owed to Uncle Sam by the drillers that haven't been regulated?

3. To Sarah Palin: That new song of your's, with you teasingly moaning "Drill, baby, Drill!" is in bad taste, and bad for your brand image.

Last and not least: media messages move markets. Its the crack that fuels Kudlow's craziness, one of the many loonies that drive the financial markets. Notice the S&P at the point of this posting. Proving that no news is actually good news.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on May 19, 2010 (boomark / email).