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Did you say $15 Billion?!

From: Javier Cremades
To: Bernie
cc: Irv Picard, Esq.
cc: S. Harbeck
cc: M. Shapiro
cc: I. Sorkin, Esq.

Bernie:
No doubt you are all wondering how someone such as myself, a country lawyer from Madrid, could have, in little less than 12 months, coordinated the repayment of more than $15 billion to more than 700,000 misguided investors in 25 countries, when my good friends Steve Harbeck and Irv Picard have administered the repayment of less than 1/10 of that amount for a small handful of similar victims!

Ha! To use your famous expression, "Trust Me!" when I say that I had to shake many unsavory and slippery hands in order to convince the banks that sold those investments to make good on the investors' principal amounts invested.

But, Bernie, none of this would have happened were it not for your introducing me to that Soapopular hand sanitizer!! 

No doubt you are also wondering how the total amount of fees earned by the 60 law firms involved came to less than $65 million, an amount similar to what has already been paid to Mr. Picard's firm. What can I say?

Well, I can say that aside from following you advice about proper hand hygiene, we've also been following your more recent investment recommendations and the $15 billion recovered has already grown by 10% in the past month alone! Your strategies and your brilliant market-timing are nothing short of legendary!

Bernie, if only your followers would pay more attention to your wisdom!

Speaking of wisdom; dear Mary--excuse me for suggesting this, but your hiring Mr. Oynes away from MMS and providing him a senior job within your agency does not seem like a smart idea, however skilled he might be at maintaining industry relationships.

And, while we're on the topic of politics, dear Bernie: how astute you were when advising President Obama last year that Afghanistan is not the place to send brave American troops. Just look at how many troops that Spain has there! Less than a handful! And we provide our military with non-alcohol, non-toxic hand sanitizer!

 Javier

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on May 26, 2010 (boomark / email).