Family Law

Communications in the 21st Century :: Part Five

By J. Benjamin Stevens

I am pleased to present Part Five in my exclusive online presentation of "Communications in the 21st Century" by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, LMFT:

By now, you have completed your 2009 taxes, and for many, may have received a tax refund. Many families I know bank on that yearly tax refund, hoping that the IRS refund somehow makes up for debt issues or provides a cushion for the family vacation.

Though money and finances are relevant topics for families right now, I would like to suggest that husbands and wives consider another form of transaction that takes place everyday in the relationship – that of emotional deposits. We make emotional deposits into each other's mental/spiritual 'bank accounts' when we encourage, love, support, and uplift the other. When couples come together at the end of a hard day with work or when couples connect on the downtimes of the weekend, each taking moments to listen to the other share or offer a hug during a moment of distress – those are the moments that we make an emotional 'deposit.'

Those who are married know that long after the dating pursuits end, the routines and stressors of family life take a toll on the emotional and physical needs of couples. Love used to be all about being fascinated with the other person. Now, after 10 years of marriage, love is about just living with another person and staying sane! When dating, love was about kissing and holding hands all the time. Now 10 years later, love is about taking trips together and experiencing life together. And yet, I would like to suggest that both men and women still need those moments, spaces, and venues where emotional expressions of love keep the flame afire.

As you get your tax refund, do a quick overview of your emotional deposits you are making in your spouse's life: listening without interruption, holding hands when alone, taking opportunities to express yourself to your spouse in loving and appreciative ways, leaving a card or note on the pillow, a gentle hug at the end of a hard day, an unexpected kiss in the midst of a spontaneous moment. These are just some of the loving 'deposits' that help fill our physical, mental, and spiritual accounts to overflowing. Store up the love in the other and spend the love freely with one another!

Grace and Peace,
Dr. Trey

Dr. Trey Kuhne is a pastoral counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist with Pathways Pastoral Counseling located at St. Christopher's Episcopal Church, 400 Dupre Drive, Spartanburg, SC 29307. He specializes in working with individuals, couples and families. Call (864) 542-3019 for an appointment. He may be reach via email at: pathwayspc@aol.com.

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on June 11, 2010 (boomark / email).