Law Humor

Crocodile Dundee Taunts Tax Authorities

Posted on July 08, 2008
I guess after you've conquered New York, humiliated Colombian drug dealers, and . . . well, whatever happened in that third movie I didn't even know existed until now, the Australian Tax Office does not seem very daunting. Paul Hogan,...

Naked Cowboy v. Mars Lawsuit Allowed to Go Forward

Posted on July 07, 2008
On June 23, a federal judge in New York denied a motion to dismiss Robert Burck's trademark-infringement claims against Mars, Inc., and its ad agency. Mars is the maker of M&Ms and other truly outstanding products (it is also one...

McCain Gets Endorsement From His Former Jailer

Posted on July 05, 2008
In a development that John McCain must have been very happy to hear about, the man who was in charge of the "Hanoi Hilton" while McCain was a prisoner of war has endorsed him for the presidency. Tran Trong Duyet...

Nelson Mandela Removed from U.S. Terror Watch List

Posted on July 03, 2008
Anyone who thinks the "War on Terror" will be declared over anytime soon should think about this: the U.S. government just now removed Nelson Mandela from its official terrorist watchlist. Mandela was put on the list along with other members...

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Mother Reported to Authorities After Psychic Claims Abuse

Posted on July 03, 2008
As we learned last week when a court vacated the grounding of a 12-year-old, Canadians are awfully protective of children's rights. In this case, they leapt to the defense of an autistic girl after a psychic declared that the girl...

Boy George Denied U.S. Visa

Posted on July 02, 2008
CNN reported on June 24 that U.S. immigration authorities had denied a visa to George Alan O'Dowd, better known to some as Boy George of "Culture Club" fame. O'Dowd, 48, had been scheduled to perform a series of concerts in...

Woman Denied Beer at Convenience Store

Posted on July 01, 2008
A 74-year-old woman was denied the right to buy beer at a convenience store in Norwalk, California, the Associated Press has reported. Granted, this happened after she had driven her car through the front window and into the store, but...

Posner Affirms Conviction, Laments Ostrich Myth

Posted on July 01, 2008
On June 25, the Seventh Circuit affirmed the conviction of Conrad Black, one of several former newspaper executives found guilty last year of defrauding their company out of millions of dollars. In a bad sign for the defendants, the opinion...

Criminal Armed With Plant Defeated by Customer Armed With Bar Stool

Posted on June 29, 2008
In a crime that was described as both "bizarre" and "creative" (showing what a fine line that can be), a Florida man tried to rob a store earlier this month armed with a plant. "The man came in with the...

City of Flint, Michigan, Joins Crusade Against Saggy Pants

Posted on June 27, 2008
Claiming that he was acting on a "significant" number of citizen complaints, the police chief for Flint, Michigan, said on June 25 that he had directed officers to start arresting people seen wearing pants and/or shorts that sag "too low."...

Woman Sues Victoria's Secret For Allegedly Defective Underpants

Posted on June 26, 2008
On June 9, Macrida Patterson filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles County alleging that she was injured last year by a defective product. According to the report, Patterson was putting on a "low-rise v-string" thong she had purchased at Victoria's...

Court Overturns Father's Decision to Ground 12-Year-Old Daughter

Posted on June 25, 2008
In a decision that has sent shock waves through the Canadian grade-school community, a court in Quebec has ruled that a father improperly grounded his 12-year-old daughter, preventing her from going on a school field trip. Coming next: Motion to...

Man Sues Church After Falling Due to Receipt of Holy Spirit

Posted on June 23, 2008
Lakewind's logo, depicting Jesus or possibly Blackbeard A former board member of the Lakewind Church in Tennessee has sued the church and its pastors, saying that he was injured when he fell after the spirit took him during a church...

New Adhesive-Toilet-Seat Case Against Home Depot

Posted on June 20, 2008
On June 11, a St. Louis man filed a lawsuit against Home Depot alleging that it had negligently failed to monitor the condition of the toilet seats in its customer restrooms, and had negligently failed to warn of a serious...

"Lawyer Who Wouldn't Stop Talking" Talks His Way to Suspension

Posted on June 20, 2008
Some of you probably think the phrase "lawyer who wouldn't stop talking" is redundant, but it isn't quite. There is a time for talking, and a time for not talking; and one good time for not talking is just after...

Claim for Reimbursement of Dating Costs is Rejected

Posted on June 19, 2008
A 30-year-old Korean man, identified only as "Park" (which, in Korea, does not narrow it down one bit), has lost his bid to be reimbursed by his ex-girlfriend for the money he spent on their dates. Park sued the woman...

German Court Rejects Document-Phobia Defense

Posted on June 18, 2008
A German court has rejected a woman's appeal of a decision terminating her child-support benefits, despite her disability claim. The woman had argued that she could not respond earlier to an agency's requests for information because she has a "phobia...

Practice Tip: Phrase "Oops, My Bad" Rarely Appropriate in Court

Posted on June 18, 2008
For those of you wanting to be jailed briefly for contempt, this item offers some pretty good tips that you might want to jot down: You will be instructed to turn off all cell phones while in the courtroom. Ignore...

Court Rules Lawyers Must Speak Out During Trial if Judge Is Snoozing

Posted on June 17, 2008
Here's an important tip: the Court of Appeal for Ontario, Canada, has ruled that lawyers who notice that their trial judge is sleeping must awaken him or her at the time and object, rather than waiting to raise the issue...

Leona Helmsley's Dog Forced to Survive on Mere $2 Million Trust Fund

Posted on June 16, 2008
As you may recall, when Leona Helmsley died last year she left $12 million to her dog, more than twice as much as she left to any other family member. (Two grandchildren were completely stiffed, for "reasons that are known...

Motorized Cooler Driver Faces DWI Charges

Posted on June 13, 2008
I have already written about a number of non-automotive drunk driving charges, including incidents that involved "vehicles" such as riding lawnmowers, horses, and at least one Zamboni. Not wanting to repeat myself, I passed on covering another recent riding-lawnmower DUI...

Man Walks 25 Miles to Be Sentenced

Posted on June 12, 2008
Stephen Shoemaker was so determined to get to the courthouse in order to be sentenced for a drunk-driving conviction that, when his brother didn't show up to give him a ride, he says he just started walking. That does show...

UPDATE: Both "Thong Bandits" in Custody

Posted on June 11, 2008
As predicted, the "disguises" employed by the Thong Bandits during their robbery of a convenience store in May did little to help them avoid arrest. Police in Arvada, Colorado, announced last Friday that Joseph Espinoza and Joaquin Rico had turned...

Mistrial Declared After Jurors Found Playing Sudoku

Posted on June 10, 2008
Showing that issues with the jury system are not limited to America, on June 10 a judge in Sydney declared a mistrial in a high-profile drug-conspiracy case after it was discovered that the jurors spent much of their time in...

Get to the Good Hotel First If Litigating Against Skadden Arps

Posted on June 09, 2008
The law firms of Skadden Arps and Quinn Emanuel are on opposite sides of the Barbie-Bratz doll lawsuit, which is being tried in Riverside, California. As I can tell you from personal experience, by far the best place to stay...

Use of F-Bomb Before Supreme Court Discussed

Posted on June 06, 2008
In a June 5 post, Marty Lederman of SCOTUSblog discussed the FCC v. Fox Television case, which involves "whether fleeting expletives are so inherently shocking as to justify a virtual ban on their broadcast between 6:00 a.m. and 10:00 p.m."...

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Denounces U.S. Legal System, Courtroom Artist

Posted on June 05, 2008
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who has confessed to being the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, had some statements to make at his arraignment on Thursday (June 5): First, he looks forward to becoming a martyr. Second, the U.S. legal system is...

Parties Ordered to Conduct Deposition at State Line

Posted on June 04, 2008
Here's an order going directly to the Lowering the Bar Legal Document Archive. Apparently, in a lawsuit pending in the Western District of Texas (at Austin), the parties were unable to agree on whether the deposition of a corporate representative...

Chinese Government Lists What Not to Do During Olympics

Posted on June 04, 2008
With the Beijing Olympics just a couple of months away, the government's excitement and paranoia are almost tangible. This week, Reuters reported that the government has posted on its official Olympic website an extensive list of things that foreigners are...

Lawyer-Musician Kicked Out of R. Kelly Courtroom for Trying to Hawk CD

Posted on June 03, 2008
The Chicago Tribune reported on June 2 that Mike Roman, a Chicago criminal-defense attorney who moonlights in a rock band, had been kicked out of the courtroom where R. Kelly is on trial. Roman (left) apparently showed up during a...

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