Law Humor

"Heavy Hitter" On the Ropes

Posted on February 22, 2008
The Nevada Bar Association said earlier this month that it had received a complaint against personal-injury lawyer Glen Lerner, and that it was investigating.  Lerner is extremely well-known in Nevada, largely because of his ridiculous TV commercials, which have shown him (among other things) spinning like the Tasmanian Devil and dropping a giant phone on litigation opponents...

Ginormous Rock at Issue in Engagement-Ring-Retrieval Suit

Posted on February 20, 2008
Sadly, it seems to be all too common for legal disputes to arise over who gets the engagement ring if a wedding is called off.  But not many of those disputes involve a ring worth close to half a million dollars, or a former sister-in-law of the President...

Practice Tip: Probably Okay to End Deposition Early if Other Side Brings a Gun

Posted on February 19, 2008
On February 12, an attorney representing a man suing NFL running back Reggie Bush said he and his client chose to end a deposition early after noticing that the other side was armed. "I knew they weren't going to like what they were going to hear, but I never thought they'd bring a gun," said Brian Watkins, an attorney for sports marketer Lloyd Lake...

Butt Artist's Case Against Former Employer Will Proceed

Posted on February 18, 2008
"Butt Artist Trial is Set" was the actual headline of the article at the link below, which informs us that a motion to dismiss Stephen Murmer's lawsuit against his former employer was denied on February 15.  Murmer, you may recall, is the teacher who was fired when his school district learned that, in his spare time, Murmer is an artist who paints things with his butt...

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Judge Jumps the Gun on Declaring Defendant Guilty

Posted on February 16, 2008
The evidence against Joseph Nee, on trial for allegedly plotting a Columbine-style attack at his high school, seems to have been fairly strong.  Or at least you could infer that from the fact that the judge in his bench trial announced to a crowded courtroom that the State had proven its case, and was then reminded that closing arguments had not yet been made...

Lowering the Bar's Official Disclaimer and Policies

Posted on February 15, 2008
Introduction to the Preamble to the Disclaimer After over a year of doing this, I have finally gotten around to posting an Official Disclaimer and Policies.  (Yes, if you were a client, I would move a lot more quickly than that.)  These will also be available at any time by simply clicking on the appropriate link in the left-hand column, a link lovingly hand-crafted by me to ensure the best possible clicking experience for you, the reader...

Bill Would Make KFC the "Official Picnic Food of Kentucky"

Posted on February 15, 2008
On January 18, Kentucky State Rep. Charles Siler introduced a bill that would designate Kentucky Fried Chicken (specifically, Original Recipe) as the state's "official picnic food."  The provision itself is just one sentence, but the preamble offers some interesting details: WHEREAS, Harland Sanders opened his first restaurant in Corbin, Kentucky in 1930; and WHEREAS, Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffoon made Harland Sanders an honorary Kentucky Colonel in recognition of his contributions to the state's cuisine in 1936; and WHEREAS, Colonel Sanders's "Original Recipe" fried chicken was first cooked in Colonel Sanders's restaurant in 1940; and WHEREAS, the first "Kentucky Fried Chicken" franchise restaurant selling the Original Recipe chicken was opened in 1952; and WHEREAS, today, the Original Recipe chicken is sold in more than 11,000 Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants in more than 80 countries and territories around the world, bringing recognition and fame to the Commonwealth of Kentucky; NOW, THEREFORE, Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Kentucky: SECTION 1...

Mustache-Discrimination Case Reaches Indian Supreme Court

Posted on February 14, 2008
On Monday, February 11, justices of the Supreme Court of India heard argument in the case of a man who claims he was fired from his job at Indian Airlines because of his sizeable and "elaborate" handlebar mustache.  Initial reports were that the justices appeared likely to side with the mustache...

FBI Rejects Waterboarding In Favor of Starbucks

Posted on February 13, 2008
Writing on the New York Times website Tuesday, Mike Nizza discussed the revelation that in contrast to the CIA's admitted use of techniques like "waterboarding" to try to get information out of Al Qaeda suspects at Guantanamo, FBI interrogators used less coercive tactics...

Judge Bars Holocaust Float and Dancing Hitlers from Rio's Carnaval

Posted on February 12, 2008
On January 31, a judge in Rio de Janeiro issued an order telling a group not to proceed with its plans to offer a float in the city's Carnaval parade because the Holocaust-themed float depicted a heap of naked corpses and one or more dancing Adolf Hitlers...

"Puddles" Scandal Drives Mayor Out of Office

Posted on February 11, 2008
Grace Saenz-Lopez, the mayor of Alice, Texas, resigned on February 1 after admitting that she had dognapped a Shih Tzu named "Puddles" that she had been caring for. Not since Nixon's "Checkers" speech has a stupidly named dog been so important to a politician's career...

Overaggressive Handshake Lands Attorney in Jail

Posted on February 11, 2008
"It all stems from a handshake," said Gwendolyn Tuggle, who is defending attorney Kathy Brewer-Rentas against charges that she assaulted a federal prosecutor. "It was definitely more than a handshake," said court security officer Gilberto Pay, who witnessed the shake between Brewer-Rentas and Assistant U...

Ballot Proposal to Turn Alcatraz Into "Global Peace Center" Fails

Posted on February 08, 2008
Let's take a short break from mourning for the shattered dream of a Romney presidency and remember another casualty of Super Tuesday: the Alcatraz proposal on the San Francisco ballot.  Proposition C would have changed city policy towards the island, hoping to turn the former prison into a more uplifting kind of monument, but it failed to pass...

Barack Obama's Fight Against Vampires Set to Music

Posted on February 08, 2008
You may know that Barack Obama was president of the Harvard Law Review, but you probably didn't know that he then became engaged in a fight against a secret society of student vampires.  Now that story is not only being told, there is a musical version...

Snack Analysis Leads to Thief

Posted on February 06, 2008
It seems fairly common for burglars to treat themselves to a snack while they are burgling -- occasionally one will even stop to make himself an omelette or something like that -- but it may become less so if this story is widely distributed in the burglar community...

City Sues to Force Alleged Recycler to Keep Trash Service

Posted on February 06, 2008
Eddie House of San Carlos, California, was sued on January 22 by the city of San Carlos, California, for municipal code violations related to garbage.  The problem is apparently that Mr. House doesn't generate any.  Garbage, that is. House, who claims to "care" about the so-called "environment," says he recycles virtually everything he uses and disposes of what little is left over in ways that makes it unnecessary for him to have his garbage picked up by the city...

Lawsuit Appears Likely Against Collection Agency For Letter Addressed to "Mr. S__t Face"

Posted on February 05, 2008
Attorney Kenneth Hiller of Buffalo, New York, says his client plans to sue Nationwide Collections Inc. based on a letter he received in October 2007.  The agency was trying to collect an unpaid Columbia House record club membership fee of $16.96, and despite the low amount the letter began somewhat aggressively by addressing the recipient as "Dear S__t...

UPDATE: Driver Drops Lawsuit Against Family of Cyclist He Killed

Posted on January 30, 2008
As I (and many, many others) reported last week, Tomas Delgado sued the family of a teenage boy he killed in a traffic accident in 2004, on the grounds that the boy and his bicycle had negligently damaged the front of Delgado's Audi.  Due apparently in large part to the public outcry, Delgado dropped the case this morning...

Attorney Held in Contempt for Reading Maxim in Court

Posted on January 29, 2008
The WSJ's Law Blog reports today that a judge in North Carolina held an attorney in contempt last week after he saw the attorney reading Maxim magazine in court. For those of you not familiar with Maxim, it is (reportedly) a men's magazine something like Playboy but with slightly more clothing involved...

Mug Offered as Evidence to Prove Defendant Was "World's Greatest Dad"

Posted on January 27, 2008
On January 22, defense attorneys representing Cesar Rodriguez conducted a remarkable cross-examination of a detective who had been called to testify against their client.  Rodriguez is on trial for the murder of his 7-year-old stepdaughter, Nixzmary Brown...

Cyclist Sued for Damaging Front of Driver's Car

Posted on January 25, 2008
A Spanish newspaper reports that businessman Tomas Delgado is suing for damage that 17-year-old Enaitz Iriondo caused to Delgado's car during an accident in 2004.  Delgado alleges that Iriondo thoughtlessly caused 20,000 Euros worth of damage to the Audi A8 by allowing his body and bicycle to be impacted by the front end of it while Delgado was trying to speed...

Candidate's Platform: "I Don't Plan to Do the Job"

Posted on January 22, 2008
Evidently a strong believer in smaller government, Ed Hamilton says that if elected he will shrink the size of the government in Kerr County, Texas, by at least one job -- his own. Hamilton, a 77-year-old Republican, says that the position of treasurer is an unnecessary one that costs the county $46,000 a year, and ought to be eliminated...

Robber Awarded $1 Million for Violating Probation

Posted on January 22, 2008
A judge in Massachusetts has ruled that a convicted two-time bank robber can keep a $1 million lottery prize he won recently, even though playing the lottery violated the terms of his probation. Timothy Elliott pleaded guilty to unarmed robbery in 2006 (he had previously spent two years in jail for the armed kind), and was given five years of probation, which among other things required him not to "gamble, purchase lottery tickets or visit an establishment where gaming is conducted ...

Car's Owner Receives Multiple Parking Tickets For Car That Had Been Stolen

Posted on January 21, 2008
San Francisco is a notoriously difficult place to park, not so much because of the hills but because of the relatively small size of the city and its downtown.  Adding to the fun is the zeal of its parking control officers. This one may not be their fault, but it's somebody's fault...

Plaintiff Who Visited "Pissed Off Pete's" Alleges Beating by Pete

Posted on January 20, 2008
This case report is triggering a new category, "[Lowering the] Bar Exam Questions."  Here's the first one:Question 1:  Patricia Plaintiff patronized a pub called "Pissed Off Pete's."  Pete, who proved to be pissed off, pushed, punched and projected Plaintiff, producing pain...

Court Ruling Will Force Employers to Spank Employees Equally

Posted on January 17, 2008
If they are to spank at all, anyway (which this attorney does not recommend). In 2006, a jury in Fresno, California, awarded Janet Orlando about $1.7 million for her claims that she had been spanked at work.  Orlando alleged that her employer, Anaheim-based Alarm One, held "contests" for its sales teams and that members of the losing team were deliberately humiliated...

New Addition to Case Law Hall of Fame: The Case of the Stuffed-Bear Donation

Posted on January 16, 2008
Whatever you're working on right now, wouldn't you rather be working on a case where the only material issue was who owned the big stuffed bear? Me too.  See Pardue v. Turnage, 383 So. 2d 804 (La. App. 1980). The dispute arose in Tangipahoa Parish, in eastern Louisiana...

Debate Over Free-Speech Rights of Chicken Man Rages in Colorado Town

Posted on January 16, 2008
While Europe debates whether animals are entitled to constitutional rights like human beings, here in America we are debating the constitutional rights of human beings dressed like animals.  The latest dispute over advertising in the form of "mobile signs" or "mascots" is taking place in Woodland Park, Colorado, where the city council is threatening to outlaw Chicken Man...

UPDATE: Monkey Denied Person Status

Posted on January 15, 2008
As I reported last October, an Austrian court refused to grant Matthew H. Pan legal standing on the grounds that he is a chimpanzee, and it appears that the Supreme Court of Austria has now affirmed that decision. An animal-rights group had sued on Mr...

What Not to Use as a Disguise, #3: Drywall Compound

Posted on January 14, 2008
I think we have enough failed-disguise posts now to consider starting a new category, or at least a sub-category of The Criminal Mind.  This does not quite rise to the level of What Not to Use as a Disguise #1 (tree branches) and #2 (duct tape), but it makes the list...

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