Law Humor

October 1991 - Summer ClerkingFinally!

Posted on April 30, 2009
October 1991 - Summer ClerkingFinally! The first et cetera contributions from summer clerks from McCleod, Alexander, Powel & Apffel of Galveston (and Houston).From Jennifer E. Patton, excerpts from a deposition in a real estate dispute - with Jennifer's explanation that the plaintiff's attorney is deposing the owner of some adjoining property (a doctor); that the defense attorney "had been objecting 'almost continuously;'" and that, after this went on "for quite some time" the good doctor" decided to strike back:"Def...

May 2005 - The Juror NoteThis contribution

Posted on April 29, 2009
May 2005 - The Juror NoteThis contribution is from District Judge Gary L. Clingman of Lovington, N.M. It is a note "written on the back of a response to a post-jury service comment/suggestion survey we regularly send out!""I have a comment, or complaint about one of the public defenders' lawyers...

May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared

Posted on April 24, 2009
May 1989 - I'm Glad We Cleared That UpJudge William L. Baskette, Jr. of Kerr County sends this "unplanned discussion" which took place in a hearing before him:The Court: And what is the basis of your motion? Do you have any case law or anything you'd like to cite to the Court at this time?Attorney: In our last hearing in this case, I was left here with the thought that the Court had said based on some 25 cases of Mr...

May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From

Posted on April 23, 2009
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge David Cleveland of Palo Pinto (29th District Court), this testimony from the trial of will contest involving two wills left by Walter Howeth:Q. When did you last see Walter?A. At the funeral.Q. Did he make any comment to you at that time?A...

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June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph

Posted on April 22, 2009
June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph Jacobson, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 49, No. 4 ? April 1986.Q. Isn?t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?A. Yes, it is, but you can?t prove it!

May 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?In

Posted on April 21, 2009
May 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?In a murder trial, the policeman testified, "When I arrived, the victim was still alive and he said ..."At this point, the witness was abruptly interrupted by the judge, with stern warning that the witness should not say anything else until it was determined whether the evidence was admissible...

April 1991 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on April 20, 2009
April 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?Tom Whitlock of Denton contributes this trial excerpt from "a mental health probable cause hearing in which he represented the proposed patient." Tom is cross-examining the mother of his client:Q.Has she ever [acted suicidal] or threatened to hurt anyone else?A...

September 1997 - Did He Really

Posted on April 17, 2009
September 1997 - Did He Really Say That?From Walter Cowger of Dallas (Akin, Gump), this excerpt from the deposition of the plaintiff in a wrongful discharge case.Q. Did you come here today [from Oregon] just for this deposition?A. Yes, I did.Q. You're not planning to move back to Texas anytime soon?A...

May 1985 - Were You in the Military

Posted on April 16, 2009
May 1985 - Were You in the Military ServiceQ. Were you in the Army?A. No sir, I didn't go.Q. Why?A. Well, when I was ready to leave they said, 'Well, everything is over,' and I say, 'Okay,' So I didn't go.

June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles

Posted on April 14, 2009
June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles W. Hury of McAllen received this last page of an apartment lease guaranty form from a friend whose son is attending Texas A&M.7. Binding Nature. This Guaranty shall be binding upon and unsure to the benefit of the parties hereto and there respective heirs, legal representatives, successors and assigns...

February 1997 - I'm Not Sober,

Posted on April 13, 2009
February 1997 - I'm Not Sober, But ...From David L. Traylor of Dallas, this exchange that took place recently before U.S. District Judge Joe Kendall (Dallas Division, Northern District of Texas):Judge: As you stand here today, are you sober?Defendant: No, I'm not sober...

April 1999 - Using the Faculties

Posted on April 10, 2009
April 1999 - Using the Faculties From Gregory P. Propes of Denton (Gregory is an appellate attorney in the Denton County District Attorney's Office), this excerpt from a DWI trial before Judge Jim E. Crouch (County Criminal Court No. 1). Assistant District Attorney Debra Bender was the prosecutor and Joshua Webber of Dallas was the defense attorney...

June 1996 - Typo's (Classic &

Posted on April 09, 2009
June 1996 - Typo's (Classic & Otherwise) From Roger A. Berger of Houston (Glover, Anderson, etc.), this typo from answers to interrogatories by the plaintiff in a medical malpractice case, where the plaintiff was "claiming unnecessary surgery and claiming that his symptoms (before the operation) were not caused by gallstones or an inflammation": Interrogatory No...

November 1994 - Is That Clear?From

Posted on April 08, 2009
November 1994 - Is That Clear?From William R. Kendall of Reno, NV (Laxalt & Nomura), this excerpt from his deposition of a safety engineer in a slip and fall case:Q. Were you aware that Mr. Lowe testified that he slipped off of one of the stairs and fell down the stairs?A...

May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom

Posted on April 07, 2009
May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom W. Bernard Whitney of Fort Worth, this excerpt from the deposition of the defendant-husband in a case involving the mental and physical ability of his wife - who was "the testatrix in 1984 and who subsequently died in May 1992":Q...

July 1993 - Did She Really Say

Posted on April 06, 2009
July 1993 - Did She Really Say That?From Thomas S. Terrell of Kerrville, this excerpt from the deposition of the wife in a custody case:Q. Your husband says you smoke marijuana. Is that true?A. I quit.Q. Why did you quit?A. My attorney told me I would have to, if I wanted to get custody.

February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom

Posted on April 03, 2009
February 1994 - The Payment PlanFrom Thomas G. Sharpe, Jr. of San Antonio (Whetley & Sharpe), this excerpt from his deposition of a defendant regarding the collection of a judgment for Tom's client:Q. First of all, what I'm asking, sir, is what are you going to do to pay this judgment?A...

January 1990 - Let's Be Particularly

Posted on April 02, 2009
January 1990 - Let's Be Particularly CarefulFrom Robert F. Alexander of Houston, this testimony from a cocaine possession trial before a jury and Judge Miron Love (177th District Court, Harris County). The cocaine was allegedly found by the jail officer/witness during a "routine inventory search"; on cross, Robert is trying to establish that this "client was quite sober during his search...

November 1989 - Let's Be Particularly

Posted on April 01, 2009
November 1989 - Let's Be Particularly Careful Out ThereFrom Judge James A. Blackstock of Angleton (County Court at Law No. 3 and Probate Court), this bit of direct examination by the state's attorney who is interrupted by an objection by the guardian ad litem for the children...

January 2000 - How Alive Is He?From

Posted on March 31, 2009
January 2000 - How Alive Is He?From Robert W. Hedrick of Fort Worth (Hartless, Patton & Hedrick), this excerpt from the deposition of the wife (Robert's client) in a divorce case. The husband's attorney "is inquiring about the wife's ownership of stock in a family corporation, and the wife is claiming the stock under the term's of the husband's will...

January 1989 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on March 27, 2009
January 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?From Judge Jerome Jones, probate judge in Galveston, this marvelous exchange - which took place in a will contest trial when the attorney was examining "a woman friend" of the deceased.Q. And so you had a conversation with the deceased prior to his death...

May 1985 - What About Your Job?Q.

Posted on March 26, 2009
May 1985 - What About Your Job?Q. What do you do for a living?A. I help my brother.Q. What does your brother do?A. Nothing.***Q. You said you went to Galveston in 1920, yet the first job you told me about was in 1946. What did you do between 1920 and 1946?A...

July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell

Posted on March 25, 2009
July 1987 - Do You Swear to Tell the Truth...Judge: (To young witness) Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?Witness: Yes, I would go to hell.Judge: Is that all?Witness: Isn't that enough?

November 1997 - A Lot of LotFrom

Posted on March 24, 2009
November 1997 - A Lot of LotFrom Ronnie W. Baham, Jr. of Houston (Brown, Sims, Wise & White), this excerpt from his deposition of the plaintiff in a personal injury case which, Ronnie submits, might get "a lot" of laughs.Q. What kind of work do you do on this house you just moved into? Carpentry work?A...

June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles

Posted on March 23, 2009
June 2004 - Classic TyposCharles W. Hury of McAllen received this last page of an apartment lease guaranty form from a friend whose son is attending Texas A&M.7. Binding Nature. This Guaranty shall be binding upon and unsure to the benefit of the parties hereto and there respective heirs, legal representatives, successors and assigns...

September 1998 - Peanuts Are A

Posted on March 20, 2009
September 1998 - Peanuts Are A Different DealFrom Robert N. Nebb of Lubbock (Robert practices with Michael H. Carper), this excerpt from a deposition taken in a case pending before U.S. District Judge Sam Cummings, in which the complaint alleged that the construction of a natural gas pipeline caused damage to the plaintiff's cotton and bean crops...

March 1998 - But I'll Try To Do

Posted on March 19, 2009
March 1998 - But I'll Try To Do BetterEmmett Colvin of Dallas (Of Counsel to Bruner, McColl) admists that "the late Jim Bowie ? of Dallas, not the Alamo ? and I told this story so many times with embellishments, that the truth may been lost in the process...

May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom

Posted on March 18, 2009
May 1994 - From The Twilight ZoneFrom W. Bernard Whitney of Fort Worth, this excerpt from the deposition of the defendant-husband in a case involving the mental and physical ability of his wife - who was "the testatrix in 1984 and who subsequently died in May 1992":Q...

April 1995 - Well That's Entirely

Posted on March 17, 2009
April 1995 - Well That's Entirely Different!From Danny L. Tran of Houston (Danny is a paralegal with Able & Monroe), this excerpt from the husband's deposition in a divorce case in San Angelo, being taken by Levert J. Able:Q. Now, in addition to money that you had with Turner, Eppler & Guerin -A...

February 2001 - Industrial Strength

Posted on March 16, 2009
February 2001 - Industrial Strength Stupid QuestionsFrom Stephen B. Schulte of Kerrville (Keith, Weber & Mosty), "the worst deposition questions" he has ever heard:Q. And finally, if we can, Mr. Manne, the - that last sentence goes on to say, you know, after you're saying that it's the position we have taken - and, by the way, let me just ask you about that...

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