Law Humor

April 2008 - Justice in Rusk CountyThis

Posted on April 09, 2008
April 2008 - Justice in Rusk CountyThis marvelous!!! contribution is from Justice Bailey C. Moseley of Texarkana (Court of Appeals, 6th Appellate Dis-trict), who writes:?A number of years ago, I was engaged in a jury trial in Rusk County, representing the defendants in a trespass to try title case in which the plaintiffs were claiming ownership by adverse pos-session...

May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From

Posted on April 08, 2008
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Albon O. Head, Jr. of Fort Worth (Jackson & Walker), this deposition excerpt from a toxic tort case - with the "confession" that he would enjoy embarrassing one of their "young (and very bright, I might add) associates" who took this deposition...

May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From

Posted on April 07, 2008
May 1993 - Did I Really Ask That?From Albon O. Head, Jr. of Fort Worth (Jackson & Walker), this deposition excerpt from a toxic tort case - with the "confession" that he would enjoy embarrassing one of their "young (and very bright, I might add) associates" who took this deposition...

June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?James

Posted on April 04, 2008
June 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?James P. Walker, Jr. of Dallas (McKinley, Dubner) shares an excerpt from the deposition of a bankruptcy debtor who is serving time for stock fraud at the La Tuna Federal Corrections Institution. This cross-examination is by Wade Williams of Galveston (Mills, Shirley)...

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April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis

Posted on April 03, 2008
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...

April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis

Posted on April 02, 2008
April 2004 - Defining the SpecialtiesThis excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you?re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?A...

June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph

Posted on April 01, 2008
June 2003 - I Can NowFrom Joseph Jacobson, Texas Bar Journal, Vol. 49, No. 4 ? April 1986.Q. Isn?t it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?A. Yes, it is, but you can?t prove it!

May 2004 - Ask A Stupid Question

Posted on March 31, 2008
May 2004 - Ask A Stupid Question ?Hal Monk of Bedford, who confesses that he has enjoyed the et cetera column for so many years that he ?feels plum guilty for not having sent ? any contributions in the past,? sent in this excerpt from the January 1993 deposition of Hollywood celebrity Zsa Zsa Gabor, Monk?s client...

January 1989 - What Was That Again?From

Posted on March 28, 2008
January 1989 - What Was That Again?From Judge David G. Lewis of Dumas (Moore County Court of Law), this excerpt from a recent divorce custody trial in Moore County.Q. And what did you do that night?A. We made and sent out some fliers. [Being the West Texas pronunciation of "flowers"]Q...

July 1994 - Who Lives With You?From

Posted on March 27, 2008
July 1994 - Who Lives With You?From L.A. Teehan of Houston (Eric J. Hedemann & Assoc.), this excerpt from the deposition of his client in a "premises liability case" - which falls in the they'll never get this guy for perjury category.Q. And you have no other dependents that live with you at all?A...

June 1993 - What Did You Do?From

Posted on March 26, 2008
June 1993 - What Did You Do?From Diane Kirstein of San Antonio (Diane is an appellate lawyer for the U.S. Attorney's Office), this excerpt from the cross-examination of a canine enforcement officer in a criminal trial:A. I am a canine enforcement officer with U...

July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing

Posted on March 25, 2008
July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing Document TitlePaul J. Van Osselaer of Austin (Van Osselaer, Cronin & Buchanan) and Robert Slovak of Dallas (Gardere Wynne Sewell) ? who are opposing counsel in a case on my docket ? jointly submitted the following:?Paul Van Osselaer of Austin ? was hoping that the alternative relief would be granted just to figure out what is going on...

May 2002 - I'm Not Appreciating

Posted on March 24, 2008
May 2002 - I'm Not Appreciating AnythingFrom Sid S. Stover of Jasper (Seale, Stover, Bisbey & Morian), this excerpt from the deposition of his client, Sharon Clark, being taken by Marc Scheiness of Houston (Scheiness, Scott, Grossman & Cohn). Sharon Clark testified that her arm had become entangled in a large machine, horribly injuring it and that she could hear the bones breaking in her arm...

April 1991 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on March 21, 2008
April 1991 - Did I Really Hear That?Tom Whitlock of Denton contributes this trial excerpt from "a mental health probable cause hearing in which he represented the proposed patient." Tom is cross-examining the mother of his client:Q.Has she ever [acted suicidal] or threatened to hurt anyone else?A...

February 2000 - The Medical ChartsFrom

Posted on March 20, 2008
February 2000 - The Medical ChartsFrom Joseph V. Crawford of Austin (Wright & Greenhill), this entry in a patient's medical report by a chiropractor in Lake Charles, La:SUBJECTIVE COMPLAINTS Patient complained of headaches, neck pain, left forearm and thumb, right lower leg, left ankle, ringing in both ears and both hips.

June 1987 - Did I Really Hear That?

Posted on March 19, 2008
June 1987 - Did I Really Hear That? JUDGE (scolding prosecutor): You cannot ask that witness what he was told by someone else. If you want that evidence in, you will have to get it some other way.PROSECUTOR: Very well them, Mr. Davies. Without telling me what he said to you, what did he tell you to say?

September 2002 - The "Suicide Question"

Posted on March 18, 2008
September 2002 - The "Suicide Question" From U.S. Magistrate Judge Marcie A. Crone of Houston, this "excerpt from a recent employment discrimination" trial in her court in which the Plaintiff alleged mental anguish as well as other claims Q. I'm not asking if you attempted suicide...

June 1989 - Did I Really Say That?

Posted on March 17, 2008
June 1989 - Did I Really Say That? From a telephone hearing conducted by one of the bankruptcy judges in Dallas: the judge has been advised that 12 attorneys are ready for him on the conference call. The Court: Okay. Thank you. I'm going to give the decision on the motion...

November 2004 - The Dog Ate the

Posted on March 14, 2008
November 2004 - The Dog Ate the CitationCheryl S. Lay of El Paso (Leslie & Lay, P.C.) serves as an associate municipal court judge ? and she recently had this motion presented to her to recall a warrant:?DEFENDANT?S MOTION TO WITHDRAW AWARRANT AND TO SET MATTER FOR HEARING??2...

June 1993 - What Did You Do?From

Posted on March 13, 2008
June 1993 - What Did You Do?From Diane Kirstein of San Antonio (Diane is an appellate lawyer for the U.S. Attorney's Office), this excerpt from the cross-examination of a canine enforcement officer in a criminal trial:A. I am a canine enforcement officer with U...

December 1992 - May I Have a Little

Posted on March 12, 2008
December 1992 - May I Have a Little Longer, Judge?From Courtney L. Bass of Irving, this voir dire excerpt sent to her by one of her students from the National Institute on Trial Advocacy - which involves that "catch-all" type questions "which would hopefully elicit any valuable information that we missed by our more specific questions to the panel...

October 1991 - Did I Really Ask

Posted on March 11, 2008
October 1991 - Did I Really Ask That?From Judge Joseph H. Hart of Austin (126th District), this passage from an early 1991 hearing.Q. What happened to this man she was taking care of [at the home care facility]?A. He's deceased now.Q. Was he taken out of the home when he had to go to the hospital - he had to be admitted to the hospital?A...

February 1989 - Did I Really Hear

Posted on March 10, 2008
February 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?From Mary Strand, a staff attorney for the Tyler Court of Appeals, this testimony from a hearing on temporary child conservatorship - by witness who had "obviously not been testifying as expected":Q. Let me ask you this: Have you been frank in your answers?A...

January 2001 - In That Case ...From

Posted on March 07, 2008
January 2001 - In That Case ...From Sean P. Healy of Tyler (courtesy of court reporter Kristy Crawford), this exchange in the 321st District Court where "Joe Shumate and Sam George were making announcements at docket call":The Court: Okay. Do y'all want a hearing today after 11 then?Mr...

May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton

Posted on March 06, 2008
May 1990 - The Cindy Singleton CollectionFrom Cindy Singleton who sent me these excerpts after cleaning out her desk during her last week at the Tarrant County D.A.'s office.Mr. Ally: Ask that you instruct the jury to disregard, Your Honor, the comment of Mr...

January 2000 - Did They Really

Posted on March 05, 2008
January 2000 - Did They Really Say That?From W. Marc McDonald of Fort Worth (Bourland, Smith, etc.), this "classically confused" statement made by one of his partners, William R. Korlo, Jr. during a recent deposition.Mr. Korlo: All right. Let me turn your attention to Plaintiff's Exhibit No...

March 2008 - Classic TyposLarry

Posted on March 04, 2008
March 2008 - Classic TyposLarry Warner of Brownsville found this typo in an appeal to the 14th Court of Appeals in Houston:Mr. Richards: We prefer that the witnesses be here as well. That's why we filed for a motion for continuous because we weren't able to serve them...

July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim

Posted on March 03, 2008
July 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?Jim D. Bowmer of Temple (Bowmer, Courtney) sent me a couple of stories "about our great friend Percy Foreman." One time when Percy was questioning a prospective juror of German heritage in Comal County, which is not noted for its leniency against criminal defendants...

November 2004 - The Dog Ate the

Posted on February 28, 2008
November 2004 - The Dog Ate the CitationCheryl S. Lay of El Paso (Leslie & Lay, P.C.) serves as an associate municipal court judge ? and she recently had this motion presented to her to recall a warrant:?DEFENDANT?S MOTION TO WITHDRAW AWARRANT AND TO SET MATTER FOR HEARING??2...

July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing

Posted on February 27, 2008
July 2004 - The Winner: Most Confusing Document TitlePaul J. Van Osselaer of Austin (Van Osselaer, Cronin & Buchanan) and Robert Slovak of Dallas (Gardere Wynne Sewell) ? who are opposing counsel in a case on my docket ? jointly submitted the following:?Paul Van Osselaer of Austin ? was hoping that the alternative relief would be granted just to figure out what is going on...

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