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Andy's Angst..

Dad-
I don't know what Shana is complaining about--at least she can get a job selling shoes. Unlike Mark, I didn't have an account at Oppenheimer, and the crap that you and Mom have said about me is torpedoing my Jdate profile.

Let's get some things straight-

1. I NEVER wetted my bed at summer camp!

2. I tried to quit the firm a year ago, but you said that I "couldn't get any other job on the Street" because I couldn't "trade my way out of a paper bag". Making matters worse, Mom wouldn't lend me any more money. So now I'm stuck in the mess with you.

3. I NEVER b-slapped anyone.

4. When you were worth $800 million, I never asked for a dime. I just took what you gave me. And now Debbie has half of that! And btw--I paid for the beemer, the business didn't. You can check with Paul about that if you don't believe me.

5. Mom is threatening to give away my Corgi Car collection because the AG is looking to freeze cars that don't exist anymore. Please tell her those are mine. If they want to freeze anything else, tell them I'll contribute the catch that Mark and I brought back from the fishing trip down in Antigua.

6. Speaking of Antigua, its not like I didn't warn you about that guy Stanford.
If you didn't know, he's pleading the 5th, and even though nobody in our family listens to me, the people at Dickstein are telling Mark and me that's going to be the only thing that makes sense for some of us.

7. Speaking of lawyers, the retainer that we gave them is evaporating faster than the FART money Paulson gave to everyone else on Wall Street, and if you can tell Mom to send the birthday check early this year, that'll help.

I don't know how many visitors you can have this week, but I'll try to stop by.

I hope you're not expecting me to leave a tip--but putting that "Donate" button over on the right is probably a good idea. You've always had the knack for getting people to put in money.

Some of those people should appreciate the tax guidance that the IRS announced this morning. But as you've always said, most of them are turning out to be nothing but ingrates!

And, thanks for pointing out the free dinner.. I've got a date tonight and I wasn't sure where to take her. The "bmisandy" nickname on Jdate is working wonders! The hell with Cathy!!

So yes, I'll "scroll down to the bottom of the page" and get the coupon.

Andy

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 17, 2009 (boomark / email).