Law Humor

Birthday Wishes From Bernie ...Blonde Bimbos???

To: Jane Wells, NBC Universal
From: Bernard Madoff #61727-054

Dear Little Janey-

As much as my ass is blistering right now, if you only saw the note that was slipped under my cell door this morning, you'd understand how much I appreciate your sending me this autographed photo of yourself, even if you only intended it as a reminder about your birthday.

In fact, your photo is already proving to be quite a valuable commodity in here. Is that a pearl necklace or a diamond necklace in the photo? But it really adds to the entire occasion.

After I told everyone that today is actually your birthday, you can only imagine how every one here is celebrating.

In return for your timely distraction, I've asked Jodi to make sure you receive the Bentley that I (I mean Ruth..!!) took the liberty of purchasing as a birthday gift for you. We'll register it with Cohmad, and Rosie will be confirming everything, and notarizing the transfer papers.

In the interim, I'll look forward to our interview tomorrow. Hopefully your questions won't be as stupid as the ones in Stanley Bing's interview over the weekend.

I've told everyone that they can tune in to your blog tomorrow to see the print edition. And all they need to do is click on your photo to get there. . I'm not the only one with a twitch in here, so don't be surprised if you get a lot of repeat visitors--and perhaps many more birthday greetings.

BTW- For some reason, Ruth now thinks that you're "just another blonde bimbo that's trying to muscle in", but I explained to her your true colors.

She'll get over it (eventually), but she said that she won't be visiting on Thursday as planned, and that she won't be bringing in the Desitin as promised. Hopefully when you come......to visit me for our interview tomorrow, you'll bring some?

BTW-Visitors are subjected to a full body frisk. There are several guards that are acting just like some of our BMIS investors, and they're literally begging me to guarantee that you'll be here.

Presuming you do show up, your share of the commissions will be paid through Cohmad, just like we paid Sonja. Marcia or Sonny will see to it, trust me.

BLM

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 31, 2009 (boomark / email).