Law Humor

Judge Finds Hockey Player Guilty of "Being a Colossal Asshole"

By Kevin Underhill

I think this is the first time I've used this particular word here, but I think it has to be done.

 On April 9, the chief judge of the provincial court for Canada's Prince Edward Island acquitted a local hockey player of "assault causing bodily harm."  Chris Doyle, who played for the P.E.I. Rocket until recently, had been accused of assault after an incident in which he allegedly struck his ex-girlfriend's roommate.  Both women testified that Doyle was "drunk, jealous and violent" when he showed up at their apartment last September.  He threw books around and threw a lamp at her, she said, and then "broke her laptop, took off his shirt, put some blankets on the floor and passed out there."  She was eventually able to get him out of the apartment, but he then punched the front door so hard that it swung back, hit the roommate in the face and broke her nose.

Doyle pleaded guilty to "mischief" for breaking the laptop, but testified that the door incident was an accident and that he didn't know the woman was behind the door.  Judge John Douglas appears to have believed him, and so found him not guilty of assault, but did not let Doyle entirely off the hook.

"If he was charged with being a colossal asshole, I would find him guilty," Doyle said.  "Of assault causing bodily harm, I find him not guilty."

I have heard some suggestions that other Canadians tend to make fun of P.E.I., the country's smallest province; but based on this evidence, at least, the judges there are awesome.

Doyle has since been traded to another team in the league, which is known as the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League.  (Doyle is only 20 years old, which I really hope makes him a minor major junior hockey player, as well as a colossal asshole.)  He will be sentenced June 7 on the mischief charge.

Link: CBC News

Full post as published by Lowering the Bar on April 10, 2010 (boomark / email).