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How Many Days Left?

From : Andy's Dad
To: Cathy Hooper

Sweetie-
Thanks much for the pin-up photo! Its a big hit here at MCC, although this cry baby Art Nadel starts to drool every time he walks by and looks into your photo on my wall.

Speaking of cry babies, tell my son that he should only be so thoughtful!!

Come, tell me what's new, and you can sit on my lap when you visit! I'll tell you all kinds of stories about how to catch the really big fish, not the little pishes.

If Andy's day trading goes sour, you should have that fellow Starkman get you some gigs. What is it that you do, exactly?

Next:

To: David Friehling
From: Bernie

David-- I need you to put an opinion letter together re: these new tax codes. I just read this:
2009 tax year, those with adjusted gross income of more than $1 million would receive no noncharitable itemized deductions - that means no theft deductions - but could claim 50 percent of charitable contributions.

Paul is thinking that there's going to be a great opportunity to create charitable trusts for everyone that can't figure out how to deduct the losses on a carry forward basis. We just need one sign-off on the opinion letter, but Paul thinks it should be your's.

Next:
To Eric
From: Bernie

I'm not hearing good things about the way your treating Shana. What? You think I don't know? See this guy with the whistle? A guy named Cahn. No relation to Sonny Cohn, or Sonja Kohn, but some of your old friends at SEC are whispering in his ear.

Sure, he's had so many whispers that his ears are going to be full of wax for years...Hey...Maybe I can put that into a tune! Ears, Years...Get it?

Anyway, if you want to help yourself before someone gets the wrong idea, maybe you should point out how easy it was for people at the SEC to trade smarter than Ivan Boesky used to. Speak to that guy Vic--he's an expert on that topic. Just ask him yourself.

I'm only telling you this because you're family, or sort of family. And everyone knows that we take care of family. My sons should only remember that. So, I'm expecting you to do the right thing by Shana. Enough said, right?
BLM

To: Mark
From Your Father

I'm willing to overlook the fact that you're behaving almost as badly as your little brother. Maybe I didn't spend enough time with you boys when you were little. Maybe I let your mother coddle you too much. Who knows?

Since you're the older one, and the one that thinks he's a big shot when it comes to investing--call up a guy named Dick Fields. He runs a hedge fund that underwrites lawsuits; the name of his place is Juridica Capital. Nice consistent returns. I'm hearing they're going to take a run at JPMorgan over that whole thing with the redemption stuff. But, don't talk to Shana's husband about this! If he tips off his old friends at SEC, they'll probably front run you.

Your Dad

P.S. Stop wondering what Frankie D. is talking about.

Last:
To: Ira
From: Bernie

1. Stop with the "Call me Ike" bullshit.
2.Yet another smart ass is infringing on our copyright.. Something to do with t-shirts and "countdown design". The guy actually sent me a f--king sample. Cute idea, but not without our permission. Find out who this guy is, and make sure you get a royalty agreement signed, and if not, just shut his ass down!

Bernie

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on June 03, 2009 (boomark / email).