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Madoff's Morning Briefing: I'm Cooperating!

I'm thinking I'll wear that robe to right today to make a good impression with the Judge--not that he needs to be convinced that I'm crazy, but I figured it might be good to do a few dress rehearsals. And again, however crazy my friend Mr. Prosecutor is for wasting everyone's time and money with these silly bail hearings, the law is very clear on this topic. Ruth-is this robe lined with cashmere?? Maybe I should wear one of the robe's that Ira sent?? Its f--king freezing outside!! And Ruth-my appointment is around 12:30--I'm thinking of picking up some stuff at Zabar's on the way back, what do you want me to get?

Speaking of money; did anybody see the Bloomberg article about how me, Bernie Madoff, is responsible for stimulating the NY legal industry?? That's right, all these guys are raking it in again..See? I keep on making money for my friends, especially the lawyers at Millberg! I don't know what they're charging for, but its all good. The best part is, if I actually do have to do some time 'away', I'm sure I can get a room next to my old friend Mel Weiss--he started that firm, so I'm actually doing him a big favor while he's taking his 'sabbatical'.

Mel-I'm figuring it'll be at least a year, maybe two before I even need to think about making a reservation for a room, but I promise, we'll have some quality time to play bridge together! That's Mel to the left. A great bridge player and a pretty good golfer..Mel drop me a line whenever you want..Jodi--did you send Mel his account statement yet??

Next- No, I don't know where Bob Jaffe is. All I know is that he sent me a blackberry message and wanted to know where the keys to my plane is. I told him he's a complete meshugenah...See...I'm cooperating!!

And, like I said before, Bob was never the sharpest knife in the drawer. I told him that spending all of that money on fancy houses and fancy cars was going to draw too much attention and get people pissed off.. Did Sonny do that?? Of course not. Bobby--be smart and get hold of Carl. Then again, maybe you should stay away for a while; Carl's not very happy with you right now. And I've seen his golf swing, for a 90 year old, he's got one heck of a drive. I'm hearing he'd like to send your head off a tee on the first hole at Boca Rio.

BTW- To little miss prissy at the NY Post: What business is it of your's what kind of sheets are on our beds?? Of course Ruth buys nice things! What could possibly be interesting about the sheets on our beds?? What's next from you miss trashy mouth? Are you going to talk about the toilet paper that we use?? What a hack! Get a life!

Next-More relevant stuff--I love Barack Obama, but for God's sake, where was the thinking when deciding to appoint a guy to be Treasury Secretary who forgot to pay his income taxes for four years?? Sure, the amount he forgot to pay was peanuts, but Mr. President-elect, in all due respect, that's not the type of leadership we need right now...Even I paid all my taxes, right Ruth??

Chuck Schumer--I know you're reading this blog every day--please talk to Mr. Obama about this--and no, don't bring Barney Fife with...oops, I mean Barney Frank with you.. And tell him that Mary Shapiro is one sharp cookie and that he made a great choice with her!

Last-Janey--we made a few calls like you suggested--but you might want to tell Jeff Zucker to answer his f--king emails..Doesn't he know who I am?? Just tell him that you're an investor in this; that should impress him! He likes making money, right? This content is going to be delivering returns for months, plus we can create offshoots. Doesn't this guy know how to leverage an opportunity?? If he doesn't get back to you or me before Friday--we'll do a trade with someone else...Tell him that Mel Karmazin wants a piece of this.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 14, 2009 (boomark / email).