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Madoff's UnAnnounced Release...OK..So it was announced..

OK, sorry this is a bit late, but you should only know what the line was like here trying to use the only f--king laptop in the library.

Which happens to be the one that I donated!!

Fine. Whatever. So first I had to wait on the two guys that were using their online accounts at that TradeMonster to cover their frozen shorts, and then everyone wanted to ask Obama questions online during his Town Hall meeting today, and that screwed up my schedule.

And I had a few questions to ask him too. But for some reason, he didn't reply when I asked why the f--king Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee wouldn't return the $100k that we donated to them, especially now that Schumer keeps flip flopping and Dodd keeps acting like a dunce.

Sure, Lieberman was great when it came to getting those contracts for AB, but now everyone is pretending they're taking the high road, while half of my family is freezing and the other half is being forced to put on costumes and shop for themselves!

Speaking of costumes--that's actually me to the right. I love getting dressed up, and if Picard thinks he's coming in here, to the MCC, to take that coat, he's out of his mind. Anyway, Mary Shapiro was kind enough to snap the photo this morning on her iPhone when she made the first of the new 'unannounced visits' that the SEC just announced they'll be doing.

Mary--all I can say is that I don't know how you people are getting along without Peter's son-in-law Eric. Speak to Shana and maybe you can arrange for one of those consulting deals. If that's how Tim Geithner is staffing Treasury, that sounds like a good way for the SEC to get talent back onto its staff!

Next:

I've been asked by some of my new friends in here to pass along a message courtesy of the Italian-American Anti-Defamation League. I didn't even know there was such a thing.

But anway, for anybody that thinks they can draw a line between Nan Bongiorno, Bobby Cardile, Frankie Dipascali, Jodi Crupi and some of the others, and think that my firm, the one that my half-wit brother only owned 1 point in, was some kind of "mob" infiltrated place--you're absolutely nuts. And Rudy does not have a cousin that works in here.

Sure, we always like keeping everything in the family. The Madoff's, The Delaire's, The Cohn's, The Noel's, David Friehling and Jerry Horowitz (may he rest in peace). A few other families too..Family is important. Just ask Mark and Andy that question. And if either one of them tells you that they weren't taken care of, just give him a smack across the face. That's what I would do if they questioned me!

Next:

Its true that we've filed a lawsuit against CNBC's Donny Douche. And its true that Jeff Immelt and his friend Zucker sent me a note promising that they are personally going to make sure that Douche returns the bonus money that he received from GE last year, and that GE is also going to rescind the retention bonus payment in Douche's contract. Cramer's boned himself after that thing with Stewart, so he's not getting any bonuses either.

Speaking of returning bonus money. Mark, Andy and Shana did not receive bonuses in 2008, even if all of the checks were written and Enrica had already signed them. So there's nothing for them to return. Don't ask again. The money Ruth took out wasn't a bonus. So that's not getting returned either. And I think she's already spent it anyway. Frankly, she should be commended for keeping the economy going when everyone else has been as tight as a drum!

Don't believe me? Ask that stupid kid at Cucina down in PB how much we used to spend in that restaurant every day!

That's right, used to. Does anybody think that we'd go into that place anymore, with that kid being such a blabber mouth?? Did he buy any of our TP?? I don't think so! Now, I wouldn't even give him the benefit of a link!

Let Dopamine Jaffe keep going in there..I don't care. The food was lousy and it was overpriced anyway. They'll probably piss in his coffee now! Ha!!

Next:

For anybody that thinks I did things that might not have been exactly kosher, wait until that idiot judge out in Nassau County finds out that Pete had $5 million with that scamster commodoties fund run by Bruce Kramer. Try freezing that! Especially when that guy Kramer is lying frozen on a table after taking the weakling way out!!

And Ezra? You think he's happy that f--king Larry Salander sold him a bunch of phony art work? Did smarty pants Vic Teichner warn Ezra about that?? And, of course, Ezra's smarty pants sister, who says she doesn't know anything about anything, somehow manages to write anything about anything.

When the NY Times published her "editorial" piece last week, did they bother to tell anyone that she's living fat off the hog, no thanks to the money that Ezra's earned from ME?? I don't like to make fat jokes, but please!

Next: To the Members of Glen Oaks Country Club.

According to Bob Cardile, Peter's membership is paid up in full, and if there are a few guests that come in for lunch and sign the check with "SEC", nobody should be alarmed. Just don't let them into the men's grill or into the locker room area. But I'm guessing you already know that.

Next:
To: "DB" at FinAlternatives.
Sure I only get an hour or so to read, but I got your note and I always read your news letter, and I'm just as frustrated as you are that the other rags are copying and pasting your scoops and not even giving you attribution.

Half of them are doing the same thing to me, too! They come here, read in between the lines, and then go out and report on something as if it was 'their' investigation! What crap! The f--king media has no honor--and trust me, its something that we lived by Wall Street. Speak to Janey Wells about it--she'll help you. I think.

OK..so you've read this far and you're looking for the big announcement, right? There is no big announcement, not today. Not even the one about the TV series deal that we've signed. Why should I make it today? Its my bat and its my ball!

I've always said--just ask Ruth, "keep it nice and consistent..every day, you get a little taste. And at the end of the month, you've got something you can bank on.."

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 26, 2009 (boomark / email).