Law Humor

Midas is STILL The Madoff Matriarch

Mark,

Sometimes I can't believe you are really our kid. I thought Andy was always the slow one.
Ezra's been trying to get his fat ass in to see me for the past two days, and all you can think about is yourself??

Mom and I are not having "issues". Everyone is tense and upset. You all need to calm the f--k down.

Even if we were having 'issues', believe you me, Felder is not about to be her lawyer. And she can't pay for another lawyer now. Not with a check anyway.

PLUS, the best thing we have going for us - besides our 50 years of love and devotion, is the husband-wife privilege. So, she can't be made to talk about whatever happened, whenever it happened. Not even to the maids.

Remember, Genius, that's why I'm sitting here, and all of you are sitting in your houses and whining about marinas, and not worrying about Big Julio down the hall.

RE: You and Andy; you both need to get jobs to keep you occupied. I don't know what you're qualified to do though.

As many friends as you've made at all those boondoggles, I don't think The Street is the best place for you and your brother right now. Do I have to tell you friggin everything?

But, Vey Is Mir! "Bernie"s Brazilians" ????? Are you kids nuts??

First, it's vulgar, dirty, and disgusting waxing down THERE on strangers.

Hot wax is not pleasant to be around. I've heard all about it. Imagine women who claim to be "victims" making appointments, and trying to wax you in places you don't want to be waxed. It could get ugly. Forget it.

Tell Shana she should be a personal shopper, maybe a hair and make-up consultant, or a bridal planner ( she's had two chances at that). Maybe an event planner - something social.

She'll be a curiosity. Just imagine some woman, planning her kid's wedding, telling her friends "..I have Bernie's niece, Shana the Compliance Officer, working for me, planning the party, and I am giving her such a hard time..." Have her hire Elaine, I hear that she's a good cook.

They'll pish their pants, those women. Trust me, I know my audience.

You two boys could take people out on fishing junkets. Open a bait shop - you know about bait shops? You were part of the biggest in history. ( A joke here, to whichever Feds are reading my private mail).

You have the boats (you do still have that boat the fishing reel company gave you, right??)

Maybe book charters down to the Islands, and you know which Islands have the BEST fishing for customers and for YOU! Use coolers filled with stinky fish to bring back YOUR catch from down there. You could charge at least double the normal rates, Christ--look what Walter and Ezra and some of the others were charging their investors..to do what?

Forget the leg waxing thing; take people fishing. Catch yourself a whale, for a change.

BTW-You could come and see your father, it wouldn't kill you. Just wear a vest when you go out, I don't know what Frankie D. has been telling some of his friends.

Dad

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 06, 2009 (boomark / email).