Law Humor

TO: Mom, Andrew,Uncle Peter, Shana, Marion

From: Mark

Hi everyone.

I am seizing this moment , as the oldest son, and the one LEAST involved in whatever it was Dad was doing, to say we MUST get together: JUST US - no lawyers, no outsiders, no dates ( Andrew - you're coming stag to this meeting!).

Dad has been away six nights now. Tomorrow is the first visiting day.. who was it that said they wanted to go, again??

Mom, you're up!

OK, without him, we all feel lost.

I almost can't remember what he was like anymore. If , indeed, we ever knew.

But we must carry on, and we must do it with the appearance of a united front - unless they offer me or Andy a deal. Then, needless to say, all bets are off.

But since Litt used to work for Marty Flumbenbaum, I'm thinking that Litt is going to know where his bread is going to be buttered if he wants to go back to the private sector.

And Andy-that crap about the loans that Mom gave us; they can't enforce anything- the loans were non-recourse and weren't collateralized by the houses. They're just fishing, and like you said, if they want to fish, we can send them what we caught on the trip to Antigua. I've still got a freezer full. It'll go nice with their wanting to have things frozen.

And Mom-let them have the shares in LaBrea, its worth crumbs at this point. And if they want to own a piece of Viager so be it. See how everyone reacts when the media finds out the bankruptcy trust is going to be owning a business like that! We''ll have Fred buy it when the trust auctions off those things, and he can stick it into one of the real estate partnerships.

WE need to talk confidentially about what is where.. like those Corgi toys Mom wrote about - and decide who gets what and how.

Some of us might need to take brief, low key vacations to places some of us know about, which I will not mention outside the family meeting.

The publicity is terrible.. Dad is off his rocker writing that blog about our private business and trying to give advice on tarp and Fart.. like anyone will listen to him anymore. He's asking for money again, for God's sake!

And, Mom, do you really think no one heard that crack about the bedwetting and the corgi cars?! We all need to calm down and decide how to go forward and remain reasonably rich.

Andrew - God.. don't even react to stuff about your bed-wetting. I'm sure you're mortified. But remember, as a MADOFF, you have a responsibility to keep quiet and be discreet. That's always been our calling card.

So, a restaurant is out of the question. Mom's apartment won't work.. too much press hanging around outside the building. Glen Oaks won't work; Peter showing up there would piss off a bunch of people.

Shana, I don't want your husband to hear any of this. This is for FAMILY.. like in "The Godfather" - or in "Moonstruck" - another of my favorite films. :)

So, either we all shlep out to Montauk during the week.. and it is a shlep considering that they have taken all the good cars, or we think of a place here in town where there are private rooms and several entrances, and a place where nobody would imagine we would go.

The Harvard Club!! I'll ask Jeff Wilpon to make the reservation under his name.

How about Thursday afternoon? - After we visit Dad..We'll need a stiff drink at that point. No one will think to look for any of us on the West Side. You do know where the West Side is, don't you? It comes after Fifth going away from where we all live. Towards the Hudson river. Got it?

I'll twitter you guys with the time, but the place is at 27 West 44th Street. Use the hotel and the side entrance.. go to the second floor..They'll serve drinks, sandwiches and those popovers - the hell with the diets..

Shana - no Manolos, Mom, dress DOWN -forget the sable coat!

We need to talk openly and frankly.

Please RSVP to Susan on her private cell number. She got a nice house out of the divorce and she's agreed to be a conduit. No calls to my house. The baby is too light a sleeper. Susan's voicemail is recognizable because, fortunately for us, she chewed gum while recording her message, so you know you won't be telling anything to a stranger.

I expect to hear from each of you tomorrow.

Fondly, with conditions,

Mark

P.S. Peter- Dad told everyone on the blog last week that he went long, and the market's since rallied about 5%, so please remember to put in the stop orders. For your sake, not mine. What? You think because Andy was "head of prop trading" that he could really make decisions like this?