Law Humor

Obama's Choice for Supreme Court..

To: The Honorable Burt Lifland
US Bankruptcy Court
Southern District

Your Honor:

Some less informed people would like to believe that certain plantiff lawyers are in the practice of suing ham sandwiches. This is not the case in this case.

Per the motion filed with your office on Friday, we think that Mr. Picard has no appreciation for the fact that $65 billion has been recycled throughout the world, and that some people impacted by the Madoff Matter actually deserve special treatment than the approach he has been taking.

However misguided many investors in Mr. Madoff's firm might have been, and however much they can't remember how much they invested and how much they redeemed is irrelevant. The fact is that these people relied upon the representations that were made and legitimacy of their account statements, and otherwise endorsed by among others, the US Securities and Exchange Commission.

We are quite prepared to bring this matter to the US Supreme Court, but we think you'll see the light. Per the filing, I've provided you with uncontestable jurisprudence proof and precedent cases to support our motion and our notion to award all claimants the actual amount of monies displayed in their statements as of November 2008.

The plantiffs we have assembled to date represent only a fraction of those that will be protesting in walkers outside of your courtroom, and led by Mr. Chais and Ms. Manzke, lead plaintiffs that we have yet to enlist, but no doubt they will join us forthwith.

In sum, and when totaling all sums, your summation when ruling will no doubt prove to be a watershed opinion, as this will open the famous Pandora's Box that will allow investors in AIG, Lehman, Bear Stearns, and perhaps even Enron, WorldCom and so many other matters that are still being adjudicated, to recover trillions of dollars of phantom profits, and in turn, this will be the catalyst for the global economic recovery.

Where those trillions might be is irrelevant; but we would encourage the court to communicate with Hank Paulson in order to recover his spare key to the U.S. Treasury Printing Office, and if he is unwilling to cooperate, we have solid evidence indicating that Mr. Madoff's trusted associates, including Mr. DiPascali and Ms. Bongiorno have the keys to a cache of printing cartridges that can be used to print up new currency.

Certainly, the prospect of providing investors that took out more than they put in with windfall returns can also prove to be a monumental event for the IRS, as they would save billions of dollars that would otherwise be paid on related 'theft claims' that might be filed.

Please excuse the smudge of mustard on the brief.

Most Respectuflly,
B. Lax, Esq.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on June 08, 2009 (boomark / email).