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: Bernard Madoff

The Real Deal..

Goddamn line in the library kept me standing around here for two hours! And God only knows what kind of germs are being left on the f--king computer keyboard...its disgusting! But anyway..

Ruth: Remember when they were kids, and you took Mark and Andy shopping at the Elliot Shop on Miracle Mile for summer camp uniforms, and they were both crying and making a scene? And you said that you wanted to just leave them there... Well, you should have!!

Mark's supposed to be managing these media and endorsement deals, and I just heard that some clown out in LA is producing some type of project without getting a green light from us. Some crap about Dustin Hoffman playing me.. Ridiculous!!

What? He thinks that he's going to get material from anyone that counts without my permission?? And how the f--k does he think he can pay for re-creating Mark's wedding up in Nantucket?? You know how much that cost the first time??

Mark--get your friend Starkman on the phone and tell him to start earning what we're paying him. Yes what we are paying him. What? You don't remember where the money came from?? If he doesn't start producing, he's going to have those clawyers up his ass!

Speaking of costs.
To: Jamie Dimon
From: Bernie

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. If I've said this once, I've said it a dozen times; every day I keep reading about another bank that's making settlements to avoid the bad PR and the legal bills. What? You think that just because that idiot Picard is sending clawyer letters to some of the pisher investors that he's not going to send one to you?? Of course he will! Trust me.

Next.
To: Frankie D. and Jodi:
Don't worry about the shares--try putting them up on SecondMarket.com

Speaking of trading--Irving P.: even Mark can tell you how much we spent on those trading systems, so I still can't figure out how you were so stupid to let that group in Boston low-ball the bid they made. Fine, now that you've gotten a few more bids, maybe you can figure out that this isn't the same thing as auctioning off an Aston Martin.

Last-Shana: Calm down. You will not be waxing legs for long. And if Ezra's sister's legs are as hairy as you say, I'm thinking you should hold off on those discount coupons. Speak to Nan about it, she's probably got a solution.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 23, 2009 (boomark / email).