Law Humor

Ruth Re-Appears

Darling-

You two can call your new little business anything that you want, but please tell Andrew that you'll both have to return all of the black umbrellas that he somehow managed to pilfer from the office.

Those umbrellas were bought with my credit card, and they were intended to be used for gifts to customers of the firm.

How those dreadful people from the FBI failed to notice you carrying out five large boxes of those umbrellas from the office, when they wouldn't even let me take a roll of toilet paper as they evicted me from my own home is beyond me. Does Mr. Picard know about this??

In any case, I adore the idea of your soliciting your expert services. Even if I think you'd be better off soliciting something else. Your idea of creating "emergency" goody bags for wealthy people that will need to protect themselves when the riots start is certainly interesting.

No doubt you will remember to have those "go bags" include bottles of that wonderful Soapopular hand sanitizer .

I can only hope for your sake that your "feasible evacuation strategies" don't include "if surrounded, or confined to your home, we will arrange to hire a private helicopter land on the roof of your co-op to extricate you.." Andrew's father thought that was a ludicrous idea when Andrew suggested it last year.

I noticed that your website also said that you offer "a fool proof family communication plan.." Ha! I can only imagine where Andrew could have learned anything about that!

Its true that his rolling up into a fetal position when he didn't get what he wanted proved helpful over the years, but its not as if we actually appreciated the message he was trying to deliver. We felt bad for him because he was 'special'; that's why we gave in all of the time!

I'm not an expert, but I would think firms that offer the type of security services that you are suggesting would have to disclose their expertise and who they are. But, since you're not disclosing that on your website, take my advice; don't tell anyone who you are, even if they hire you. "Fool proof family communication"??

Puhlease. That ingrate boyfriend of your's and disrespectful son of mine has acted like a fool for years, especially for not calling me, and for not writing his father, the man who gave Andrew everything.

I also noticed that the two of you are offering expert advice on "critical document organization and storage." Darling--this type of knowledge is undoubtedly intellectual property that belongs to me, not Andrew, and I'm terribly disappointed that you are infringing on this knowledge!

And, the "self defense training"? Catherine, if Andy is planning on introducing "Advanced Bitch Slapping", I really don't know if the "elite" clientele that you are marketing to will understand.

All of that said, you might also want to consider a completely different logo. A dear friend of mine is very close to Chuck Schumer, and when the Senator heard that your first client is already asking for a refund, he forwarded this photo on the left from his cell phone:

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on December 17, 2009 (boomark / email).