Law Humor

I'm Setting the Record Straight- I'M THE ONE THAT WAS DEFRAUDED!

I don't know if you saw the headline from 30 minutes ago re: Stanford Bank, but you and your blabbering mouth seem to be the cause for what just happened. And, this is what I just got from that guy Stanford!

To: Bernie Madoff
From: Allen Stanford, Chairman, Stanford International Bank

Bernie:
Thanks to your loudmouth son--and maybe thanks to that nitwit Alex Dalmady, I regret to inform you that as of an hour ago, all of the accounts at SIB have been frozen by the SEC, including the CD in Baby Ruth's name that you wanted to redeem.

While I had indicated to you last week that Antigua banking laws required a 30-day advance notification when early-cashing CD's, its possible that it may take at least 10 years before we can accommodate Baby Ruth's request. Tell your friend Ira, or Ike, or whatever he calls himself, that I've decided to go with another lawyer.

And, no I don't need Baby Ruth to make me any reservations at "Old Homestead", Texas already has that law in place .

If we happen to find ourselves together soon, I'm taking the bottom bunk.

Allen

Andy--you said you checked this guy out on that fishing trip!! What were you thinking??

Next:

To: Jamie Dimon, CEO JPMorgan Chase
From: Bernie Madoff

Jamie-

I told you two weeks ago that you should be doing the same thing that Santander is doing for their clients. I read the details of their revised proposal. Its actually f--king brilliant, and it saves them all kinds of tsuris, and makes everyone happy.

Next:
To: Rosalie Buccellato
From: Bernie Madoff

Rosie-Don't be intimated by anyone. Everything is going to be fine, just make sure that you check their ID before you say anything to anyone that knocks on your door. And, Ruth and I are thrilled that you enjoyed the chocolates. Please tell Erica that its ok to pay the bill.
BLM

Next:
To: Keith Meyer, MD
From: Bernard Madoff
RE: Defibrillator Invoice

Dear Dr. Meyer:

I have no f--king idea who you are, but we're running low on printer cartridges, so if dopamine Bob Jaffe needs another note from the doctor, and if you really "need an invoice for medical equipment purchased", you should contact Mordy yourself. And yes, I'm sure he'll give you a discount if you want to actually purchase the defibrillator. Just tell him that you were referred by Bernie.

B. Madoff

Next-
To Dan Pennachio
From: Bernie

Marcia should have faxed over a request this morning. Please make sure that its attended to. The f--king account at SIB isn't going to work for a while. I know that everyone is going to be doing that stupid "Pinnochio joke" again, but stop crapping your pants about everything--go get yourself some of our new Madoff's Toilet Paper---just scroll down the right column and click "Buy Now"!!

Next:
To: Sonny D.
From: BLM

The karate thing might come in handy. I hear that some muck racker from the NY Post is going to be stopping by your place.
BTW- You might want to give up golf for a while and maybe take up tennis. Just a thought.
Bernie

Last:
To: Victor T.
From: Bernie Madoff

No disrespect intended. Even if you told Ezra not to invest with us, it worked out fine for everyone. So, I've got nothing against you. And nobody else should either. I don't read the newspapers and I don't read stupid f--king blogs, so I don't pay attention to muck rackers.

Neither do my friends. And, everything that I hear is that you're a good guy.
We all make mistakes. Your's are ancient history. I'm thinking all of this PR can work in your favor. You wouldn't have opened your mouth to NYU if you didn't want people to hear you, right? What? You thought the muck rackers wouldn't pick up on it??

I say, "forgive and forget!" BTW--You might want to have your lawyer Andy check in with Ira about the topic of "conflict issues." But, then again, maybe it works to Ezra's favor that you told him your opinion, and then I told Ezra that you were meshugenah?
BLM

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on February 17, 2009 (boomark / email).