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And Yet, everything bad is happening. I'm really, really scared.
Uncle Bernie is in jail. Fine, I get that. He said he would take care of us, and he always did. But suddenly, they are after everyone- even the girls. Why, Daddy, Why??

Frankly, if you and Mom don't make me, I don't want to go see Uncle B. in that awful place and watch him twitch and pat himself, listening to his shackles clang. or whatever shackles do.

Do you know what happened today? My world came crashing down at Barney's.

My personal shopper, who has made God only knows how much in commissions from me over the years, told me she "wouldn't take my charge any more", and would "prefer if I used another sales person"

Can you imagine how I felt?? Can you??

Standing in a dressing room in my black la Perlas ( which, ironically, I bought from her), trying on a little black outfit to visit HIM in jail ( if i have to), and that bitch tells me she " doesn't want our family's business anymore"??!!

A salesgirl, Daddy!People were staring- and not at my cute little body, but at me, Shana Madoff Swanson; in disgrace in "Designer Outfits" at BARNEYS!!

You always said I was "Daddy's little girl" and that I was smart and pretty, and that if I worked for the family business, everything would be great. Whose bright idea was it to call me "compliance officer"??

I got really beautiful black outfits, went to all the meetings, signed what HE told me to sign, and suddenly I'm paying $1000 an hour to a lawyer and $400 an hour to four associates!!? I don't remember anything from the office. I was getting divorced, marrying Mr SEC, taking care of my family, and, you know, working at being the best Shana Madoff that I could be.

Now I'm up shit's creek without a paddle, let alone a yacht, and where are you? Out with some girl from your lawyer's office?? We even have to have different lawyers. Not even Uncle Ira, who at least knows and loves me.

BTW- We got rejection letters this week from EVERY preschool - do you have any idea what its going to be like sending my daughter to a public school??

I am going over to see Aunt Ruth - she always loved me best. Maybe she will tell me what to do.

The only good thing - and there is ALWAYS a bright side, as Auntie Ruth used to say, is that I have TOTALLY lost my appetite, so I ought to go from a 2 to a 0 in the next few days. But where will I buy my clothes?? Jeffrey's?? I'm so over that place.. I can never set foot in Barneys again. Bergdorfs is tacky..

Could I go to Europe? I still have my passport and the girls have theirs.

Fine, we'll fly commercial. I haven't flown commercial since I turned sweet 16 and Uncle B took us all to Switzerland to visit the diamonds and the bullion. Then we all went skiing at Gstaad. remember? We did have fun times.

Daddy, call me.

Shana