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Sunday Stories

By Anonymous

Landon and I used to run a lot of errands together, back when he was little and immobile and easily entertained. Now that he is none of those things, I find that I shop a lot less. I refuse to be That Parent, blithely ignoring their screaming child while leisurely pushing a cart around the store. The last time we went to Wal-Mart I had to abandon a semi-full cart in the middle of an aisle because a screaming Landon was repeatedly attempting to throw himself headfirst to the floor. But on Sunday JP was studying and we really needed a few things, so despite my very vivid memory of that last trip, I decided to try again- surely my nearly 19-month-old is way more mature than the 15-month-old who tried to dive bomb out of the cart. In preparation I packed a few of Landon's favorite books, some fruit snacks, and a cup of water and out we went. I set him in the main part of the cart with his diaper bag full of goodies and he proceeded to "read" Brown Bear Brown Bear and keep up a steady stream of chatter the whole time we were there. I did a quick run through to get the items on my list, but he was so busy, I went back to peruse the kitchen gadgets. It was a downright pleasant experience- we didn't even need the fruit snacks!

After we returned from our errands, Landon grew oddly attached to a blueberry. I made the mistake of handing one to him when he was on the floor, not locked securely in his highchair, and rather than eat it, he carried it around the house very carefully between his extended thumb and pointer finger. The blueberry was very big, very juicy, and very blue. My carpet is very clean and very white. I followed him around for a few minutes, hoping he would tire of holding it, all the while fighting visions of smeared blueberry juice all over the carpet. When the visions finally overtook me, we were at the top of the stairs about to feed the cat. I plucked the blueberry from his chubby little fingers, thinking he'd be distracted by the Lilly wrapped around his legs, and he lost his shit- screaming, crying, writhing on the floor, and eventually, mounting an attempt to jump off the top of the stairs. Luckily I was right there to block him and moments later we were bouncing on the air mattress, blueberry totally forgotten. Toddlers may be a bit prone to hysterics, but at least they have the memories of a goldfish.

So the lessons here are: (a) do not attempt erranding with a toddler without the necessary supplies and (b) always stand between your overly dramatic toddler and any precipice when you're about to make him very mad, and because that could happen at almost any time, just generally orient yourself in front of the stairs. A third lesson, unrelated to parenting- when you need to be in your office by 7 a.m., go to bed before midnight. It helps with the cursing when your blackberry cheerfully chirps at you at 5:45. I've been reading a series of books set in Scotland and must have been dreaming about them because a choice bit of Gaelic and a few "bloody bleeping bleeps" flew out of my mouth. JP found it amusing, but I did not. I really need to start working on that coffee-drinking, or develop a taste for red bull (ugh), because I am way too tired to be doing the work I need to get back to doing.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on February 09, 2009 (boomark / email).