Legal Commentary

I received sad but not unexpected news this morning ? my dad died last night.

Our family was so blessed ? for the last two years, Daddyo was in a fabulous assisted living home, with warm, caring attendants. Mom and my wonderful brother Bill and his remarkable family were just five minutes away, so Dad was never isolated. We had the gift of an expected departure, so all four children and five grandchildren had opportunities to visit with Dad over the last months.

He died as he would have wanted ? in his sleep, without all of us hovering over him (which would have driven him nuts), and relatively pain free. Dementia isn?t a terrible way to go ? he flew gently into the night, leaving us right around midnight.

He was a good man, a good father and a great husband ? he adored my mom, and they had 60 years together. I can't remember them ever having heated words with each other.

Dad had strong opinions, a fierce moral compass, and best of all, a wicked, irreverent sense of humor that defused the strong opinions -- and probably kept all of us from murdering him on occasion. The best thing I inherited from him was that humor. (I'll forgive him for also sharing the need for Dramamine if I even look at a boat.)

I think I always somewhat puzzled him. As a young girl in the turbulent '60s, in the SF Bay Area, I was artsy, liberal, and cared more about writing and music than skiing or football. (My baseball gene didn't kick in until I moved to NYC). Like most airline pilots, Dad was right-wing Republican, and saw the world in sharp black-and-white, where I saw a lot of confusing grey. There were rough days when I am sure I frustrated and disappointed him as I stumbled toward adulthood.

But Dad was always there when I needed him, and he had an amazing knack for saying exactly the right thing when I was struggling with a difficult life decision. He was a man of few words, but chose them well.

There is no question that I would not have gone to law school if he had not looked me in the eye and asked ?Why not??  when, at age 28, I half-seriously stated that if I had my education to do over, I would have gone to law school. "It's not too late," he said. I took the LSAT a week later, and started the University of San Francisco that fall.

When I struggled terribly with ambivalence about going forward with my wedding, he gently advised, "Monica, if you are this torn up you'd be doing yourself, and your fiance, a favor to call it off." I needed to hear that before I could decide to not marry a very good man.

Bill Bay had no patience for BS, stood up for what he believed in, and taught us to be unafraid. The most important lesson I learned from him was ?You can do anything. It might be tough. You might have to overcome obstacles, but if you really want it, you can do it.?

I once told him he was a feminist, and he said, ?I have three daughters, of course I am.?  Not expected words from a pilot.

Dad loved Hawaii; his last flight before retiring was from Honolulu to Chicago. On his birthday, February 21st, our family will gather in Honolulu and rent a boat to take us near his favorite runway at HNL. We'll throw leis and his ashes into the warm Pacific Ocean, and celebrate a life so very well lived. (Yes, I'll buy lots of Dramamine).

Thank you, Daddyo. You taught me to fly.

I?ll miss you very much.