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: Legal Blog Watch

Judge Carton Rules: Tennis Pros and Kookaburras

By Bruce Carton

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Today I kick off what could turn into an ongoing series of posts here at Legal Blog Watch, assuming the continued future clueless-ness of litigants: "Judge Carton Rules." No, Judge Carton is not a real judge and, like Judge Wapner, my rulings are not "technically" binding on the parties. But that has never stopped me from ruling before, see, e.g., MacStupid, aka MacGyver v. MacGruber, and it certainly won't stop me here. Moving on. My mission? To spare the parties to cases in which the outcome is obvious the time and expense of further litigation. Here is today's docket: Case 1: British tennis pro Robert Dee has sued the UK's Daily Telegraph for describing him as "the world's worst tennis pro." He says the slam has ruined his professional reputation. The newspaper is ready to call Boris Becker and John Lloyd, the former British great, in its defense. Judge Carton's ruling: Dee reportedly admits he indeed lost 54 successive matches in international contests, including 108 sets in a row. Tell Becker and Lloyd to stay home. The Daily Telegraph's future motion to dismiss is hereby GRANTED. Case 2: Record company EMI has appealed a recent court ruling that the Australian...

Full post as published by Legal Blog Watch on February 26, 2010 (boomark / email).